mommyhood // with gentleness and time

With the hustle and bustle of new to-do's, these little guys filled to the brim with energy that I never knew fathomable, and feeling like we're always playing catch-up after a season filled with sickness and trial and deadlines, these last few months have f l o w n by!

We have moments throughout our day where I pause and wonder if I've done enough? Loved enough? Played enough? Read enough? Oh how the questions come!

But not just for that day and moment, but all the days and moments that have brought me to the space and time where I stop to wonder about how much I've done or not done.

Thinking back on these last months that have whirled on by, I can't help but wonder if these boys have been able to draw closer to the One who is love through me? Have I shown them? Have I shown them His warm and loving Face, gentle and kind Arms, and beautiful Heart? Have I shown them the very same Lord who has been so gracious and loving to me throughout my life? 

"So many have come to me that I might serve them, leaving me no time to think of myself. However, I assure you that I do feel deep down within me, God be praised."

-Saint Francis de Sales

Truth be told, I know these last months have swept by because so much of my thoughts and heart and actions have been for my little loves. Now, while St. Francis de Sales served a multitude, my little bits of services have been mostly only in our home. Little bit here, little bit there. Sometimes with crazy mama face and sometimes done with a twinkle in my eye and grace in my step.

"When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time."

-Saint Francis de Sales

It really is true. We have our tough days. Ones that have more yells and impatience than cuddles, play, and laughter. We also have our days. The ones you know that grace was just built upon grace and you were actually able to let go and live the love you have in your heart.

The same love that often struggles but with time and gentleness finds its way back to your natural rhythm. The natural rhythm that give you a peace that surpasses all understanding.

In those tough days, I start to think about how I could have been different. Done differently. Acted differently. Where could I have changed everything?

And then I remember Him. You know. The guy that means e v e r y t h i n g. Or, at least should mean everything! Right, heart? Soul? Head?!!

Did you read scripture today? Did you pray today? Did you mean it? Was it heartfelt? Were you present? Have you turned to Him today? No? Well then, nooo wonder, self!

It's easy to get caught up in the things I didn't do. But it's also easy for me to get caught up in all. the. things. I did do (Selfish, much? Yup, yup. Nice to meet ya!).

And then something prompts me. Holy Spirit...Christ, Himself...Divine Providence and all it's swift and breezy goodness envelop me back to where I need to be. That place of stillness and quiet. Where everything makes sense again. Back to the heart of it all. Back to focusing my efforts more from within so that I can strive - little by little, verse by verse, quiet and solitude by prayer and breathe - to firmly plant myself back in the One where all beauty, truth, and goodness stem from!

"And he said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a lonely place, and rest a while."

-Mark 6:31

Admittedly, my time isn't always spent well. I really do feel the need to check out. Not my best coping skill, but it's what happens from time to time. And when it happens, life and breaths and stress and crazy just seem that much more amplified when I check back in. 

But for today, in this moment, I'm choosing the stillness. The quiet. His Words and His Goodness to hold me. Even for just a few moments. Just so that I can be better. Better from within so that I can be better for those around me.

What do you do when you get caught up in the pace and energy of life that you find yourself continually checking out only to check back in with your never-to-be-seen-in-public crazy face?

Also, for a Better Read that helped redirect my heart today, head over to Jenny's!