the side of love // on silence and mothering

There was a time, while I lived in DC, that religious life was on my mind and heart. It was a small whisper that I know I wanted but a whisper that Our Lord would ultimately turn to silence, obviously. Nonetheless, it was a thought that I was actively exploring in my heart and through my prayers.

Our Sweet Lord appeased me, funny enough, by sharing this teeny tiny whisper with a friend of mine who encouraged me to join her on venturing out to see the Missionaries of Charity. Anxiously, timidly, and excitedly I went.

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe a rush of understanding that this was the place He was calling me to? Maybe a feeling of home? Maybe overwhelming peace?

While I did feel many of these things, I didn't feel them the way I thought I would and had prayed I would. Though, because the Lord is good and all-knowing and uses all to His good and Holy Will, this experience was exactly what I needed and has bore much fruit not only in my single life but also in my present vocation as wife and mother.

--

For a little background, my friend and I visited with the sisters, saw their life and how they cared for the least of these. A kind sister, the sweetest and gentle of souls, guided and shared with us to her hearts content. This sister spent a number of years in the presence of the very saint that was canonized today - St. Teresa of Calcutta. I remember thinking how amazing it was that she got to spend so much time in the presence of a woman who was surely going to be canonized some day! Sister delightedly relayed bits and pieces of that life and my soul just quietly took it all in.

As we were leaving, Sister kindly gave a few odds and ends for us to take home with us. One small and simple thing she gifted me was a card that had two prayers on it; two prayers that I have kept close to my heart more than I ever thought I would in the years to come.

Being the introvert that I am, silence is a very desirable and good thing for my heart and my peace. For me, when I first read this prayer, silence was the romance that was spoken throughout my visits with Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. I truly romanticized any and all moments of silence. Christ was there in my present, loving me. The quietness that soothed my soul was time well spent but did not get me out of my comfort, but rather, nourished the very core of me.

"The fruit of SILENCE is Prayer.The Fruit of PRAYER is Faith.The fruit of FAITH is Love.The fruit of LOVE is Service.The fruit of SERVICE is Peace."

-St. Teresa of Calcutta

In contrast, there's St. Teresa of Calcutta, a woman's who's silence was something similar to mine but also very different. It was not only had during times spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament where her soul was nourished by His True Presence but one that also poured forth into her ministry to bless others with a beautiful and good love. Her SILENCE stretched all the way out into PEACE. Her soul did not stop at faith or love but moved out into SERVICE and finally a PEACE that surpasses all understanding. The very peace that stirred the souls around her - mine included.

I needed that awareness then as I do now, every day. The fruit of silence is not only had in front of Christ in an Adoration Chapel. No. It is and should also be had from deep within me as I encounter Christ in the least of these in my home, in my family, in my friendships, in strangers, in chores, in work, and in all I do. Silence starts from within if we let Him settle into the little nooks of our soul in hopes that prayer, faith, love, service, and peace will pour fourth into the gifts that they are, not only for ourselves, but for others too.

The other prayer that I wanted to share is what is on the backside of the Fruit of Silence prayer. This prayer took my heart by storm but not until I became a mother.

"Mary, Mother of Jesus, Be a Mother to me now."

-St. Teresa of Calcutta

While in graduate school, my now husband and I came back into each others' lives to journey towards the vocation which God had called us to, marriage. Little did I know how much the backside of this prayer card would meet me in my darkest of nights.

You see, today I am not only called wife, but I am also called mama by three little souls. No name has ever been so challenging and humbling. Never have I felt the weight of another's soul more than since becoming a mama. This truth only God knew that my little soul would need while on my journey Home.

Truth be told, nothing could have prepared me for what motherhood has entailed. It has broken me and built me only to break and rebuild me again and again. It has brought me to my knees in ways I never knew possible.

10:00 PM (cue crying newborn) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

11:00 PM (Cue crying baby) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

1:00 AM (Cue wailing infant) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

3:00 AM (Cue scared and crying toddler) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

5:00 AM (Cue a child who has had a bad dream) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

7:00 AM (Cue children, ready to start their day) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

On REPEAT.

When I say, darkest of nights, this is what I refer to. It's darker than dark in the middle of night, especially if it's your third, fourth, fifth, etc night of very little sleep. It's even darker when you know there is a beautiful soul calling you mama, tugging on your heart by simply asking for love, while all you can think of is needing/wanting more s l e e p now.

Never have I ever needed a mother more than while trying to mother my own children in the middle of the night on little to no sleep or during the day following said night. Never have I needed Our Lady to bring the prayers of my heart to Our Lord than while trying to love these precious gifts He shared with my husband and I. Broken and tired, I would get up, respond, tend, and try to love but not without pleading to be mothered myself first. 

Today's newly canonized saint knew what it was to give of herself through the night until she felt like she could give no more. She knew and her heart formed these words together into what has been a balm and strength and comfort to my own mothering heart during my dark nights of trying to love those nearest to me. I felt held and loved by the powerful praying words of Our Lady as I tried to hold and love a snuggled up child given to us by her Son.

The beauty of Mother Teresa's heart and how she has shared it with the world truly are an everlasting blessing to all of us that are still soldiering on. I know her words will continue to form and encourage my own walk on this earth, which is exciting and truly gift - a gift that landed in my life in the form of a small and simple prayer card so very long ago.

--

Deo Gratias, for today's beautiful and newly canonized saint! Deo Gratias, for the goodness, truth, and beauty she has shared with the world! and, Deo Gratias, for all the ways her obedient and good soul has shared strength, perspective, and love to my own little soul that is still journeying on.

St. Teresa of Calcutta, ora pro nobis.

the side of love // my Lenten companion

The darkness of the night slowly departs. Another day, another hour, and another moment to intentionally live. 

Morning light, heavy eyes and tired arms with a soul not yet awake. 

Every morning, my little heart is met with light. The same light He created ages, and what can seem like, worlds ago. Yes, my little heart is greeted each morning with the chance and opportunity to say Here I am Lord, I am listening, but instead it's usually met with grumble, grumble, sigh, toss and a just five more minutes, please.

Thomas A. Kempis and I have become friends this Lenten season. A friendship my heart and soul are pretty thankful for! After reading this bit of his wisdom, I was sure that my new friend, Mr. Kempis, was looking me straight in the face with one of those faces.

Me, with my negligence and constant wasting of time, often forgetting that all these little daily fiats are the very building blocks of the same virtues my soul so desperately desires.

Morning light? Grumble. Daily dishes? sooo tired... Breaking up an argument here and cleaning up an accident there?...Bah! Again? Laundry? All the Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.

I'm good at grumbling my way through a day. Good at being tired with life before the sun hits my sleepy eyes. Ha! And if we're being honest, I'm so good at it that my grumbling for the next day of life often can start the moment I lay my head down on my pillow the night before! I'm that good, people!

And yet, as much as my failings are true, His goodness is even truer!

Phew!!

There's no pausing life. It continues with oodles upon oodles of similar moments and choices and opportunities to say YES, Lord, show me! I am ready to do Your Will! Form me! Change me! Let your light shine through me so that others may know your goodness!

But then there's me and my grumbles. Again. 

One of the reasons I love the saints and holy men and women - past and present - is because when I'm at my worst, grumbling my way through life, there they are saying, been there, done that, let me pray for you as only someone who understands can! or Hey, let me show you what I thought and did that changed my every little breath into love of Him!

It's a beautiful thing to not have to go it alone. It's an incredible thing to not have to figure it all out by ourselves. He knew. He knew we would need help and so He sent us these holy men and women to share their hearts with us. To teach us. To show us the rugged paths that their feet have touched. The same path that led them straight back into His arms.

It's such a good thing!

Little by little, Lent is honing my heart into something more. I fail, I grumble, but I keep on keeping on in my own personal little dessert. Just as He did. One step at a time. One temptation at a time. Taking my friends with me and a whole lot of JESUS.

"Adversity is the best test of virtue. The occasions of sin do not weaken anyone; on the contrary, they show that person's true worth."

- Thomas A. Kempis

So let's Lent on, my friends, one trial at a time! Let's continue upward and onward in the face of adversity, offering our little fiats when we can, seeking wisdom from those who have walked before us and those around us that are so good at sharing His Goodness already! But mostly, let's allow Our Almighty to wrap us in His Morning Light again and again and again and Again, because that's how virtues for love of Him are formed!

Mr. Kempis has been my companion throughout this Lenten season thus far, who has been yours? Share who and how and let's encourage each other in the combox!

the side of love // beautiful love

When I was 12 years young, I began a journey that would be one of the biggest gifts I would ever receive. I attended a Youth 2000 Retreat a few months after having injured my lower back and was in a bit of a vulnerable place. I was seeking comfort and hope. I was longing for something more.

At the time, my little teenager self was so very devastated about my injury. Thankfully, being active in my youth group, my parents and youth ministers encouraged me to attend this retreat. Thankfully, I said a little yes that would easily become one of my biggest.

Prior to this little injury, one that kept me from playing summer sports (Tennis was my absolute favorite!), I had also lost my beloved grandmother. In fact, I had a beautifully vivid dream the night before she passed. I woke up crying because I knew how much I'd miss her. How much my heart would be torn and how much turmoil my little teenager self would feel! The morning of my dream, after waking with my own tears, I remember walking to the hallway and seeing my mom walk in the door with tears in her own eyes. The kind of tears that had been streaming for awhile. The kind of tears that only a daughter can shed at the loss of her mother.

Amidst these two events, the emotional crazy of  middle school and high school proceeded as they always would.

Onto the retreat, and I can easily say that it was exactly what my heart needed. Falling in Love with the One who shared beautiful love through my grandmother was what I needed. Healing in the gift of Eucharistic Adoration was exactly what my flesh yearned for. Love, healing, and learning to Trust the One who has been with me all along was what I had been seeking all along. That weekend, my journey with Him whom my soul has always longed for, began. It was kind of wonderful. It was kind of beautiful. And, it was all kinds of grace-filled.

That weekend, so long ago, c h a n g e d me.

I went through high school with friends who I still love more than they'll ever know. They helped keep me looking up. Looking to the One who is Love. They helped me during sad times and laughed with me during happy times. We walked together, learning, growing, and living in His Grace and Goodness. Living in His Love through the gift of community and faith.

During college, my journey with Love grew more than I could have ever fathomed. He met me in Mass, He met me in prayer, He met me in every theology and spiritual read I could get my hands on, He met me for 40 days in Eucharistic Adoration during Lent and more...

He always met me, held me through heartache, loved me through friends and community and family, and cared for me in the beautiful treasures of our Faith.

Fast forward to today and not much has changed.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits and I hope for his word. 

My soul looks for the Lord more than sentinels for daybreak. 

More than sentinels for daybreak.."  

-Psalm 130: 5-6

Fast forward to today and everything has changed.

See, back when I was 12, the Truth, and Goodness, and Beauty that He is became more real to me than my own beating heart. Grace upon grace held me and kept me. Seeking Him became second nature. It's what I did with the help of Mother Church, family, friends, community, and all the gifts He had shared with me along the way. It's also what I did because my parents blessed me with prayer, Mass, and love throughout my childhood - a pathway I was blessed to be on that lead me to Him in a mysteriously beautiful way.

I learned to wait. I learned to wait on Him, because at the end of each and everyday that's all there was. He was and has always been all there ever was and all there ever would be.

So now, here I am, soon to have my third cesarean. The first which was traumatic but brought the greatest gift of my firstborn and the absolute treasure of being blessed to be called mama, the second which brought my personality-for-days second-born and amazing healing in the experience of a cesarean, and now the third which comes with a beautifully healthy little hiccuping sweet love in my womb and complications that have stunned me into stillness from fear of all the unknowns.

Truly though, He still beckons me.

“Arise, my friend, my beautiful one, and come!" 

-Song of Songs 2:10

We are seven days away from meeting our newest little love. The love I have for this little one is beautiful and good. In the same way that my love for our two sweet boys just pierces me to my core, I am reminded that my love for them is only a hint of how amazing His love is for me. There is much comfort in that. So much comfort.

"There is no moment at which God does not present himself under the guise of some suffering, some consolation or some duty. All that occurs within us, around us and by our means covers and hides his divine action. His action is there, most really and certainly present, but in an invisible manner, the result of which is that we are always being taken by surprise and that we only recognize his operation after it has passed. Could we pierce the veil and were we vigilant and attentive, God would reveal himself continuously to us and we should rejoice in his action in everything that happens to us. At every occurrence we should say: Dominus est. It is the Lord; and in all circumstance we should find a gift from God: we should consider creatures as very feeble instruments in the hands of an almighty worker, and we should recognize without difficulty that nothing is lacking to us and that God's constant care leads him to give us each instant what is suited to us."

- Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Here I am. Again, He calls me into the unknown. I don't know if this little one will be ready to leave the comfort of my womb at 37-weeks. I don't know if this cesarean will proceed as simply and sweetly as my last one that brought so much healing because of my current situation of having placenta previa. I don't know if we'll have a NICU stay, trouble nursing, trouble healing, extra surgeries, need for blood transfusions, and who knows what else. I suppose, all these things are truly unknown even if we were to wait for our little one to be born at 40-weeks, but everything about this leaves me whispering, Jesus, I trust in You, rather than proclaiming it.

And, that's okay.

"Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life; Rather look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow; The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you today and every day. He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations."

-St. Francis de Sales

I am arising in my little ways, one day at a time. I am whispering my fiat and my trust in Him, because at the end of the day I love Him and He loves me. He is all there is and all there every will be.

Dominus est.

It was Him when I was 13 years young and in love and it is Him walking along with me down this path to the birth of our newest little gift - another little love that will again change nothing and everything.

#BISSisterhood

guest post // patron saint series: St. John the Beloved for boys

My heart grew for the saints while I was in college. I was soaking up as much as I could about this faith that I was raised in. I loved it! Reading, reading, and reading some more as well as joining Catholic groups and ministries through our vibrant parish.

During my freshman year, I joined the on-campus bible study. It was such a gift! We were reading the gospel of John and I fell in love. Not only did I fall in love with his quiet but beautiful spirit and stunning way with words and storytelling, but I fell in love even more with my Savior through the eyes of His Beloved Apostle.

Because of St. John's beautiful fidelity and love for Our Lord, my heart stirred. He pointed to Christ in such a way I could feel the warmth and love my Savior had for me in a new way. It was all kinds of fantastic and romantic!

...

Read the rest over at Gina's from Someday Saints and find out how this beloved saint made his way back into my heart and into our little family!

made with love // easy-peasy squiggly quilt

I made something! With my sewing machine! The one I've been chatting about wanting to learn how to use for the last few years.

There have been a few times I've crafted at the gift of some close friends who shared their talent with me at a couple Sip & Sew nights of fun. I'm so very grateful for the foundation they shared with me, because now I feel I have enough grasp on the craft to make functional items here and there.

The great thing about this little quilt is it took less than 24 hours. In fact, I'd say time combined, it took me a good 5 hours to get this quilt together. I spaced my hours over a weeks span - children, nap-time, and bed-time permitting. The great thing about this is it's definitely something that can be cranked out in a day if you have the time allowance!

Let's start with my non-technical, beginner-self sharing the sewing items I bought to get started:

• 1 spool of thread
• 1 box of quilting pins
• 2 packs of quilt binding
• 2.5 yds of quilt top
• 2.5 yds of quilt bottom
• 2.5 yds of batting
• Needles

To begin I layered my quilt bottom, batting, and quilt top. Made sure they were in line and started pinning away. Starting from the middle and moving outward. I pinned quite a bit to keep the layers from shifting.

Once the layers were pinned I went to town on the machine. Again, I started from the middle and worked my way out. I began sewing at the top middle and squiggled my way down to the bottom. I cut the thread at the end, and turned the layers to start a new squiggle line next to where I ended. On and on I went alternating start sides and working from the inside out.

Once all my squiggles were done, I trimmed.

Trimmed some more because I don't have the fancy things that help with straight cuts.

Added a touch of love.

Then moved onto the binding.

Pinned the ready-made binding all the way around and got to sewing some more.

Once binded, I gave it a few washes and felt the comfy-cozy goodness.

I really loved adding the Made with Love thread I bought as a small extra because this quilt was being made for someone who has made me quilts and blankets my whole life.

At the end of it, I was thrilled with the end result. It has the coziness of a quilt and a fun look to it. You can use fun prints and have it done quickly!

If we wish to make any progress in the service of God we must begin every day of our life with new eagerness. We must keep ourselves in the presence of God as much as possible and have no other view or end in all our actions but the divine honor. 

- Saint Charles Borromeo

This quilt allowed for a fun eagerness to share a whole lot of love from me to my grandmother. My first quilt was given to me when I was born and since that time she's given me various blankets and quilts made with love throughout my life.

I can definitely say this blanket was made with lots of love, eagerness to share goodness, and prayer. Such a gift in that!

It really was an honor to love someone with the very same love language they shared with you your whole life. Thinking that every time she uses it, that the prayers prayed are wrapping her and keeping her warm kind of makes my heart smile. I only pray it makes her heart smile similarly every time she uses it.

* * * * *

My Little Fiats

Y'all.

This Lenten season is rocking me. It's emptying me. It's challenging me and stretching me.

Naturally, one week (and some) into this journey and I'm struggling.

On the one hand, all things fasting related, I'm coping well enough. I feel my little sacrifices here and there slowly but surely emptying me from the inside out. Literally. I can sense that each time I say no to something I am saying yes to something greater. Someone greater. 

With each stand I grow stronger and it is so very encouraging.

With every small offering another little fiat is said.

All encouraging. All hard.

And yet, all that can be scrambled into a hazy fog of crazy real quick for this little soldier trying to carry on.

Tack on two doctors appointments in one week (...and that's not counting the other two doctors visits we had just two weeks ago.) and you can see just how disfigured my face can get real quick.

I mean. These boys.

I love them. I do. So very very very very very very much.

But whyyyyyy do they have to touch every. single. little. inch. of the waiting room only to enter the actual visit room to proceed to again touch every. single. little. infected. area that could possibly be touched.

Then. With these same hands they wipe their faces and their runny noses before I can get out my tissue for them. Then they proceed to touch me and all other things possible with all the germs they managed to acquire in .2 seconds FLAT.

And that's not even including the germs and random mystery limp we came in with. The very things that have my mama-heart in knots.

So, yes. Hazy fog of crazy.

Like I said, I love these boys. And it pains me that we have had to make these two visits. I hurt when they are sick. My heart struggles to balance loving compassion and charity along side the inevitable emotional and physical fatigue that my tired self meets every time some sort of illness makes its way into our home.

I struggle.

But as a mother, I carry on. One foot in front of the other. Wiping the noses, taking the temperatures, keeping them hydrated, snuggling, reading, holding, feeding, caring, worrying, on and on and on. I carry on. One little way at a time.

I wish I didn't meet this bit of motherhood with all the grumbles you can imagine. I really do. 

I wish I didn't make it all about me. But, there's sin. And there's me. And where sin and I meet. It's all about me. 

I...I...I...I...

...you get the picture.

I have to remind myself that it is not I that I draw my strength from, but Him. It is not my will I should desire, but His. I have to remind myself that He sanctifies my little efforts. That He, and He alone can help me carry my little crosses.

And even though it is sooooooo hard to do it while in the moment, I really am trying.

Trying not to worry. Trying not to stress. Trying not to be prideful. Trying not to make everything about me. Trying to think outside of myself and turn towards Him and my family. Trying to embrace my vocation. The very same vocation that will bring me back to Him whom my soul longs for.

I'm trying.

At the end of this crazy week filled with a mystery limp, fevers, and doctors appointments, I am so glad I took these pictures!

There are lots of bright sides to celebrate here!

First bright side, they did have a blast playing with their dinosaurs, looking out the windows, and playing lunchtime while we waited an entire hour.

Second and most important bright side, the doctor believes that Linus' fever is unrelated to his mystery limp (Thank you, Lord!) and that we should just keep monitoring him. She felt his limp had lessened from one day to the next (And still is, thankfully!) and that he probably caught a new virus that was just starting to show itself (No, thank you. But I'll take it!).

After all this, another lesson learned. Again. Trust in Him.

My mom told me to stop worrying and to trust. My husband encouraged me not to worry. To be present. I could hear Sister Kathleen in the back of my mind saying that His plans are such a gift to us if we just let Him love us!

It is so hard for me to remember to seek Him in my times of troubles. It's hard to remember His 40 days spent in a dessert. His Cross. His Wounds. His Death. It's hard to remember that He knows this struggle. So much so He died on a Cross so that someday we would never have to know these pains again. All for love us.

My beloved Jesus, Your face was beautiful before You began this journey; but, now, it no longer appears beautiful and is disfigured with wounds and blood. Alas, my soul also was once beautiful when it received Your grace in Baptism; but I have since disfigured it with my sins. You alone, my Redeemer, can restore it to its former beauty. Do this by the merits of Your passion; and then do with me as You will."

~St Alphonsus Liguori

It's hard to remember, but I'm thankful for moments of grace and late night ramblings to help me see that He alone can restore me. 

If you stuck around for all the ramblings, you're amazing!

How has He been meeting you while on your Lenten journey? I'd love to know. Has it been obvious? Gentle? Hard? Walking along side you? Ahead of you encouraging you on? or Behind you nudging you along?

No matter how He has been meeting you during this season, I pray we all take heart and remember that He is with us.

Linking-up with Kelly for some quick-takes and Amy for Embrace the Ordinary and Dearest Love for Coffee Date for some highs and lows chat.

7/52 Come and Gone

Ash Wednesday has come and gone. We went to Mass yesterday and the boys did surprisingly well. Aside from Linus squeaking often and Bigfoot trying to wipe my ashes off because he wasn't a fan, they were both really great and we were thankful!

Our week has been pretty slow filled with little steps that could lead to bigger exciting steps in our future. All good. All things to be thankful for.

Our mornings have been filled with playdoh, painting, cutting paper, lots of puzzles, lots of books and reading, and a good pace. After our week of sick, I think we're getting back to our little rhythm which is so nice.

Our afternoons have been filled with snacks, books, chasing Lily, dinosaurs, chat on football and all things sports, naps (most days), and getting outside any chance we get.

Bigfoot. 3. Loves sunshine, conquering new physical feats, and "playing football with daddy".

Linus. 2. Loves 50 Nifty States song, giraffes, and his golf club and ball.

It's been a good week. Day 2 of Lent has been good too.

I've been able to carve out some space for my little self to retreat into my heart. But I say that after only two days which have been filled with an ease and rhythm that we don't always have. I know harder and more trying days are just ahead. I know this because I know myself and my offerings are ones that can easily bring me into grouchy-pants land.

Per usual, He draws me in, more and more, through His wiser servants. Praying for an open heart that seeks strength from His Word and Presence.

“Each year, Lent offers us a providential opportunity to deepen the meaning and value of our Christian lives, and it stimulates us to rediscover the mercy of God so that we, in turn, become more merciful toward our brothers and sisters. In the Lenten period, the Church makes it her duty to propose some specific tasks that accompany the faithful concretely in this process of interior renewal: these are prayer, fasting and almsgiving.” 

-Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

But since we are two days in (Haha! Almost two full days in!) I will say thank you for the sunshine that lights up my little people. It's the little things.

How has your week been?

embrace the ordinary: rhythm

First Embrace the Ordinary of 2015, and I'm thrilled to be reflecting on the goodness of our ordinary. We've been home for almost a full week now. There have been good days and some days filled with more ups and downs than this mama cared for, but in all, much to be grateful for!

"You should realize that God wants you to be glad and that, if you do all you can, you will be happy, very, very happy, although you will never for a moment be without the Cross. But that Cross is no longer a gallows. It is the throne from which Christ reigns. And at his side, his Mother, our Mother too. The Blessed Virgin will obtain for you the strength that you need to walk decisively in the footsteps of her Son."                               -St. Josemaria Escriva

Getting back to our ordinary after having lots of extraordinary fun with our family who all live quite the distance from us has been good. There is a rhythm that being home brings. It's a good rhythm that soothes our souls. The kind that helps you sink in to each moment. The kind that allows you the space to embrace the happy and the Cross that is no longer a gallows. But, how I still need and depend so much on His Grace to get me through the Cross parts. Oy!

The boys have enjoyed being in their space. You can tell that our family rhythm calms them too, but you can also tell that readjusting to a less filled day-to-day to-do has also rocked them a little. 

Our mornings have been pretty beautiful in a simple and together sort of way. We sit, we talk, we play,we snuggle, we read. 

We eat (My boys are bottomless pits!), cook/bake, listen to music, sing, and dance.

It's good. It's our ordinary. And it is good.

On the flip side, our good has also been filled with a bit of the crazies and way more cartoons than I would have liked. It's been uber cold out and we've been indoors alot (I don't know how you Northerners do it!!?). We're down to just the van right now because our battery in the car died on Monday morning (of course!). Honestly, that car has been alive way longer than it should have been. It's still going to kick once we get a new battery in, but the fact that it left us hanging on Monday morning just made me laugh all day. That car is ridiculous!

Anyways. Back to the afternoon crazies. Slowing down our fast-paced holidays takes effort for the little ones. And with daddy having late hours all week, the crazies reached bursting levels come dinner time.

Here's a little glimpse:

All the wrestling that leads to minor to major bonks. We've had one small bloody nose (or nostril really), one huge knot on the 3 year olds head, some other random boo-boos that have yet to be explained because, a three year old and an almost two year old, and a strange allergy to listening that starts around 4:30PM every. Day. But at least they're smiling! Right?

At the very least, they seem to be having fun up till whatever boo-boo occurs.

But, I look forward to having another week to help these boys get back into the swing of our little routine here at home. 

Meanwhile, our little fluff always finding a corner to curl up in. This week, Bigfoot has been trailing her often because he really enjoys carrying her so when the fluff can get a second of peace and snug, she takes it.

Like I said, our ordinary has been filled with a beautiful rhythm that is slowly but surely singing its way back into our hearts. 

Thankfully, at the end of the day, our ordinary, our crazy, our ups and our downs, have moments like this:

These sweet unprompted moments of love fill me. When I'm tired, being stretched, struggling with patience or insecurities, I need to come back to this place. Our ordinary is a place of peace. It's where He has called us. It's where He has called me. And, when I let myself fully embrace everything that my vocation asks of me, all is well. All is so very well.

Did you travel or stay home for the holidays? How was your first week back? Did y'all rock it? Or maybe not? Or was it like mine filled with ups and downs that had me praying extra constantly and thanking Him so very much for His Mercy?

Linking-up with the lovely Gina for Embrace the Ordinary and Aimee for Finding Beauty Friday. Do head over to see both of these women that are encouraging others to stop and see His Goodness that always surrounds!

***

PS I found me SD card!!! Woohoo! One of my little stinkers stuck it in the diaper bag. Somehow it found its way into The Hobbit (reading it right now) and fell out while I picked it up last night. Either way, YAY! Will be taking photos next week! Can't wait!

A Phlegmatic's New Year's Resolution

Hello Monday.

These holidays merge you into ongoing days filled with family, travel, and life. But, as always, we meet again.

I'm thankful for you today because it means we are beginning again. You are the start of a new week and for me I'm counting you as the start to my new year. You are starting my year because during holidays and travels my brain needs to do all the catching up and reflecting and settling back home. It's just easier.

Let us begin again.

-St. Francis of Assisi

This post will have a few things. For one, I'll share my word for the year (never done this before). And for two, I'll share my resolution. Honestly, I"m normally terrible about these type of things, but I really think this year will be different.

See, being at home with the boys and blogging help me to be more intentional about my time. It's my place to think, remember, and to be intentional. It helps me to slow down and see the sacred in my day-to-day. It helps me to look at myself as a mama and wife which isn't always so easy since my days seem to go so quickly. Now that I have a year of intentional blogging under my belt, I really think I can more fully utilize the gift that this little space is to me. That aside, being home helps me slow down. To be present. It gives me the time and space to engage not only with my role as mother and wife, but as friend, daughter, sister and all of the things that I am.

I'm not saying I do it well all the time. Matter of fact, I really don't. But, the more I learn about myself through writing and sharing, engaging and loving, the more I learn to be better.

For 2015, this is how I'm going to try to be better.

Word: Health

Health encompasses so much for me. After this last year of injuries that crippled me in ways I pray I never experience again, my word just needs to be health.

Health in the physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial sense. All of these areas are where I would like to improve on.

Physical will include some type of regimen. Little by little I pray it grows and sticks. And, little by little I pray it helps me physically improve in ways that will prevent my past injuries from reoccurring.

Spiritual is one area I am always praying for growth. This year I'll be learning more about St. Lawrence of Brindisi. He will be my patron saint for 2015. And, after what I've already read of him, I am so thankful and excited to see how his patronage will bless me. Also, I'll continue reading Blessed is She daily devotionals, lighting my daily prayer intention candle, and hopefully pray the rosary more often.

Emotional. When I think of this one I moreso think of my mothering and wife-ing and the fact that I need to get more sleep! Sleep affects my mood soooo much. When I'm deprived so is my emotional goodness. Hence way too much of the crazy-faced-mama on any given morning in 2014. More sleep, more peace, more insight, more prayer, and more intentional motivations are all things that help keep me better.

Financial. This one my husband and I have had in the works for the past year. We've read up on different programs, read numerous posts, and are just trying to find something that fits us. This week we'll be spending some time on what the details of budgeting will entail for us this year.

Resolution: Monthly Confession

I have nothing much to say about this other than thank you, Lord for answering my prayer by sharing a post from a dear friend. This post by Micaela stirred something in me that had me saying an overwhelming Yes from within. It's a good thing. I'm excited. And again, thankful.

* * * * * * * *

I'll try to keep y'all included on this journey I've set out on. This is what goals for the new year look like for my uber Type B/Phlegmat-tastic personality. Late, mostly general, late, and hesitant. But, one step towards trying is a good step, I say!

As always, thank you for your prayers for myself and our little family. I really am thrilled for all 2015 has for us. And as much as 2014 was so very challenging, it was also so very incredible; filled with blessing and gift.

Have you thought of your resolutions already? A word? How do you go about it all? Plan in advance? To-do list? Plan of attack written out before the year?

Do share and maybe I'll be able to do a little better next year! ;)

2014 in Photos: Begin Again

The start of Advent was amazing. Slow and intentional and all things lovely. The middle started to speed up a bit and the end knocked me on my butt.

The boys caught a virus that was over quick for Linus but lingered for Bigfoot which forced us to postpone travels. The day we finally decided to travel my knee buckled (read: knee cap dislocated) because of an old injury (Seriously, old high school injuries are really not my favorite this year. at. all.), but we still got on the road and made the best of the holidays with family.

Emotionally and physically the later part of Advent rocked me, but slowly and surely mixed with with lots of grace we are moving forward to the new year.

At the end of it all, I'm so excited for 2015, and also thankful for all the goodness and hardships that 2014 brought. I hope to reflect more on this bit in the new year, but for now, I'm joining Dwija for 12 in 2014, Obviously, just 12 is not something I'm good at, so there may be a couple more than 12. Bad rule follower here!

Enjoy and come back for my top posts of 2014! Will be putting it up tomorrow! :)

January

I didn't take this photo in January 2014, but I did share it in this post celebrating our anniversary and I kind of heart it a lot.

February

 Linus had a birthday. This is my favorite.

And, this one below was taken the same day.

This may be one of my most favorite photos taken of Bigfoot thus far. 

March

 Settling into our Home Sweet Home so perfectly. Our new home has been such a gift! Such an amazing gift!

April

 Easter Love.

and, my husband surprised me with this ridiculous photo at the end of one of the most perfect birthdays. He had me take funny pics of my day, and then at some point edited the notes I was holding. To say I was surprised could never fully share the range of emotions I experienced upon seeing this photo after an already amazing birthday.

 May

 Park days.

Lots of park days and sunshine.

June

My Junebug turned three! He loves all things orange, his family, and donuts. Hence, the donut cake that was a major win in my books.

July

Okay. I'm obviously having trouble picking just one photo per month. Bear with me! I just kind of love the beach and am getting all. the. feels. looking back!

August

 I just love this photo of Linus napping. Love it!

 Ready to go mingle and enjoy all the lovely women who attended the Edel Gathering 2014.

 Back home with my littles.

This photo is important to me because it was just before my disc in my lower back herniated. Simple chores like the one above were impossible to minimal the months that followed.

September

One word: recovery. Slowly but surely, I was recovering from my herniated disc.

 And, was grateful for all the time with family that were able to visit during the month and some of recovery. It brought me a sort of distraction (which I needed) and time to rest.

October

 October was a good month.

 Filled with family, friends, laughter, and joy.

 I will forever love the photo above. Haha, the butterfly that confused my husband's bottom for a flower. Of all the places to repeatedly land!

All Hallow's Eve. St. Pascual and the Kitchen Angels and St. George's Dragon.

November

 Pumpkin farm for the win.

 These boys. Love their love!

First go at pumpkin carving. Final verdict: meh.

December

 Christmas tree farm.

 So many firsts this year including this Ferris Wheel.

 Advent.

 The most beautiful tree we've ever had.

So much family time. Loved all of it.

BONUS

Traditions.

 Papa, reading, and cheetahs.

 Our little family.

 Fun.

 Patiently waiting.

 Hugs.

 Moments.

 Second cousins.  

 First driving lesson.

 Sunshine and comfort.

Citrus.

Moments.

Us.

Now,

Let us begin again.

-St. Francis of Assisi

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Thanks for stopping by and having a little glance at our year. I know I thoroughly enjoyed taking that sweet trip down memory lane. Hope you did too!

Happy New Year!

Thanks, Dwija! Head over to House Unseen. Life Unscripted. for more 12 in 2014.