Friday, August 3, 2012

...kept always in my heart.

Son,

I remember...

...when we found out you were with us.
...the joy I felt the first time I saw your little self dancing around in my womb.
...the first time I felt you fluttering around while at Midnight Mass.
...the way you would scoot your tush into my ribs.
...how much I loved having you within my womb, safe and sound.
...the day my water broke at the end of Mass, Sunday morning, and the thrill I felt.
...our drive to the hospital, and how happy I was that I would get to hold you soon.
...the look of your daddy's face during all this amazing moments I've written thus far.
...the three days that it took to bring you into this world.
...how much I just wanted everything to be perfect for you...I loved you so much.
...us trying to learn how to nurse.
...your big feet, long limbs, and how huge you were on your birthday (more to love ;)).
...our struggles earlier on, but how amazing it felt when we overcame them. Thanks be to God.
...the pain I felt, but how all I wanted to do was be your mama.
...the many tears of joy, fear, excitement, pain, love, and happiness I cried. All worth it.
...when we walked you out of the hospital. You cried the whole way.
...when we drove you home. Never will forget how much I wished every car within 5 miles of us would get further away from our precious cargo.
...you slept the whole car ride home.
...how crazy swollen I was from our 3-day marathon. Again, worth it to have you safe with me.
...how determined I was that we would figure out nursing. We ultimately did with the help of a lovely lactation consultant at about 2 months. The thrush that plagued me and left you unharmed was gone for the rest of our nursing relationship. Nursing has been one of the greatest gifts I have known thus far.
...how alert and observant you were from day one. Always looking around.
...snuggling with you.
...waking with you throughout the night.
...the oodles of diaper changes that inevitably happen over the course of a year.
...loving that we chose to cloth diaper. Cutest fluffy bum on the block!
...all the times I picked you up from your crib and how you would just melt into me.
...loving all the amazing moments you had with your daddy. You love him so much.
...how different you looked from week to week. You grew so fast!
...when you rolled from back to front. You weren't a fan at first because you couldn't get back over. Maybe that's why you did it once and waited a few more weeks before you consistently would turn over.
...how soon after you figured out how to roll the other way.
...swaddling you every day during nap times and night times for the first 3-4 months of your life. Swaddling was soothing magic for you. We appreciated it.
...all the trips you went on the first year of your life. My little traveling Bigfoot.
...how you brought an amazing light to all the friends and family you met.
...you managing to pee on me, your dad, your grandpa, the wall, and a few others during diaper changes. Quite the skill that you've managed to get more control of as time has passed. And by more control, you now (at a year) find it funny to try to pee the moment we open your diaper. You then proceed to laugh hysterically.
...how proud I was to see you pushing up and holding up your head, or when you first started rolling around everywhere, or when you could sit up on your own, and even more when you started sitting up by your own strength. All these and so much more, brought me to tears sometimes.
...your first giggle.
...your sleep smiles.
...your social smiles.
...how you figured out how to tickle daddy and mama.
...your first little tantrum (back-arching) when we took you away from something you weren't ready to leave. Just trying to have your voice heard. We heard.
...your laughter that would lead to hiccups.
...how your laugh has changed over the last 12 months.
...the first time you had fever and weren't feeling well.
...singing Hail Mary, Gentle Woman before every nap time.
...holding you daily in our Maya Wrap.
...your first set of shots. My heart broke.
...how your smile has morphed into a million different ones over the past 12 months. All so sweet.
...your baby facial expressions.
...how much you love taunting, chasing, snuggling, playing, and so much more with our pup, Lily.
...you crawling at the speed of light.
...your first experience with solid foods. You were so happy!
...your first sippy cup with a straw.
...how much you loved and continue to love food. You'll try anything and everything. And, have such a diverse palette.
...the first time you had an allergic reaction. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped.
...when you started pulling up in your crib. That quickly led to pulling up on everything.
...how you weren't sure how to get down from standing so you would literally throw yourself, plank style, straight to the floor. These times made my heart stop too.
...walks that we would go on.
...going to the park with you and friends.
...your first pool experience. You love the pool!
...your first bath and all that followed. You love bath time.
...how you love swinging. You look so overwhelmed with happiness when you swing. I love it!
...you and daddy's night time routine. You light up in a way that makes my heart melt. You love story time with daddy.
...Your first sign was 'milk'. These days I rarely see that sign since you've pretty much weaned yourself. I miss you signing for 'milk'. But love how your becoming such a big boy.
...how we nursed for 13 months +. So much more than I ever could have hoped for. You were exclusively breastfed, my sweet. For me, this is one of the biggest gifts I sought to give to you. With God's grace and strength, we were able to do it. And now I get teary-eyed, because that time we had together will always be so close to this mama's heart.
...your appetite and how impressive it always has been.
...your first steps.
...how you would jump in your jumperoo.
...all the times you got hiccups.
...when you would stare at me.
...your sweet baby smell.
...your awesome dance moves.
...all the different signs you know and all the various words you can say.
...your wet kisses.
...your sweet and warm hugs.
...how you love play time with daddy.
...your first birthday party at the spray park. You had such a great time.
...when you first started sleeping through the night and how I missed getting to hold you in the still of the night.
...your first teeth. And all those nights we stayed up trying to console you from the pain.
...your blossoming personality that has continually brought joy to our lives. You're funny, silly, sweet, kind, rough and tough, loving, mischievous, and so much more!

My sweet son, I remember the big and the little things of this past year and nine months. You have given us so much. Daddy and I, will forever be grateful for all that you are. You make our hearts smile in ways we never knew possible. Thank you and Our Lord for a wonderful year that will be kept always in my heart.

love you so much, son.

your mama

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