Wednesday, September 21, 2016

the side of love // what i'm capable of

While mustering the good will, strength, and decisions filled with grace to share cheerfulness in our home doesn't always come easily to the sinner that I am; there are moments. Thanks be to God, there are moments!

Little by little each moment builds upon the last, each being filled with grace by the One who loved each of us first. My imperfect self, the instrument that is found in our home and family, wants to see amazing love all around my family and I in every moment. Realistic? Not so much. Truly though, I just want to see our children being loved as their Father in Heaven loves them! I want this for them all day/everyday - BUT, this instrument also does not want any troubles or hiccups, ever.

Truth is, days filled with perfection just can't be. Or, at least, not in this life. I pray for the grace that the hearts of those around me are still being filled despite me, because that's what I desire. I want the hearts around me to be held by all the little moments filled with grace, His Grace!

Moments of grace can be hard to see sometimes, but I know we all experience them. Those fleeting times filled with snuggles, dancing, smiles, embraces, chatter, play, flirting eyes, hugs, sweetness, serving, conversations that keep us close, and more. When I take the time to see the grace, despite my chaos, life feels more manageable.

Here in my present, moments are what I'm capable of. The present moment is where I am and; therefore, where I'm called to love. Whether I am ruining a moment by my own grievous fault or filling it with beauty, love, goodness, and truth, it's these moments that shape me, my family, and in a very teeny tiny way, the world around me.

Thankfully, He is found in my present moment loving little me and those around me DESPITE my failings. Thankfully, there is grace that abounds. Thankfully, I and all I meet were created by a God who loves them more than we'll ever fully know. Thankfully, He works through ALL things. Thankfully!

When I think of being and doing all the things, my heart feels so overwhelmed and burdened into a stillness that feels like paralysis and short breathes but when I am able to bring myself to my present, that's where I can find Him holding me and nudging me along my little way. 

His nudges are good and sweet and constant - just what I need during my highs and most especially, during my lows.

Are you familiar with the lows? The ones where you can't get outside yourself. The ones where you burrow into self, self, and more self. The ones where you lose sight of what it's all about amidst joy and amidst suffering. The ones where you can't see that there is something greater happening for the sake of His Glory and Goodness. Moments just seem to slip away and you're left wondering where they all went.

I know I do. In fact, I'm v e r y familiar with this place. 

BUT, I find joy and peace in knowing that whether I acknowledge that there is something greater happening or not, whether I live in that Truth or not, He truly is being made known. 

He is always being made known.

Christ didn't just share the joy and glory and goodness of His amazing Resurrection with us so that we could always live in that exhilarating moment. He lived His journey first. The one filled with moments. The journey filled with family, friends, growth, joy, sorrow, parables, fear, sadness, goodness, and hope. The journey of Love made known in all things was His first. Thanks be to God.

"On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.”

When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord."

-John 20:19-20

That day He met his disciples in their fear. He met them in their moment and brought them so much joy and peace. Meeting them there was important to Him. How beautiful and encouraging is that?! He went to them, made Himself known, and loved them.

That day so long ago, His disciples needed their hearts to be awakened just as much as we need ours to be awakened today. We need our souls to be awakened not only to the Truth of His Victory so that we may rejoice but also to the Truth of every single one of His moments that amounted to a journey that revealed to us all that is true, good, and beautiful.

Moments matter. They mattered then when He journeyed to the Cross, and they matter now as we are seeking Him amidst our daily grind, thanks be to God!


  1. This is really beautiful, Amanda. It's so hard when I'm in the throes of those moments. Perhaps I'm starting a wee bit of growth by being able to reflect back and see where His mercy and grace was there, even when I couldn't see it at the time.

    1. Thank you, Ann-Marie! You're amazing and I'm sure you notice His Mercy and Grace more often than you think. I remember your beautiful reflections on scripture that you did either during Lent or Advent? I can't remember now but those were so filled with wisdom and grace! Prayers for us both!


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