It's a good blur
Apparently I forgot to think about the fact that my toddler would be cutting his 2-year molars before I got pregnant with Eli, who is currently struggling to cut his first two bottom teeth at the ripe old age of 4 months. Oye, overlapping major teeth cutting is rough! To say that I am sleep deprived is an understatement. Not to say we would have done anything different. Aside from mentally prepare myself for the double dose of no sleep. Who knows.
My sweet 4 month old hasn't been the best sleeper, as we have definitely had our bumps along the way in the nursing department (a topic I have yet to post on but really should and soon). So, to say that I'm going on 4 months of no sleep sounds pretty accurate to me. Or, at least my no-sleep-warped-way-of-thinking agrees. But, in all honesty, I don't remember the last time I was able to have more than 4 hours of sleep (in a row), much less 7 or 8. And, on that note, I just don't remember much at all. My days are blurred. My weeks are blurred. Lots of stuff is blurred, especially in the middle of the night.
But, after writing the previous paragraphs, I have to point out that all the blurry stuff is pretty sweet. My foggy brain is filled with Joseph's sweet kisses, hugs, his ever expanding vocabulary, ABC's and 123's, his toddler ability to run and "jump", his constant learning and exploring, him being the sweetest big brother, playing pick-a-boo with Eli, his wonderful laughter, and tons of smiles. My toddler has been a champ. He doesn't whine very much and is very kind, even with his 2-year molars making him uncomfortable. He's thoughtful and filled with so much goodness. It's a good blur.
While Eli is the one struggling the most with his first teeth, he is still doing the best that he can. When he is awake and feeling well, this boy is absolutely adorable! Eli has a smile for miles and dimples that can make your heart melt. He loves to have A-ggiiee conversations with his Dada, Mama, and brother. Eli absolutely lights up when he sees his brother or Dada, which lights up every bit of joy in me. He is constantly exploring everything around him with his sweet eyes. My little one, though being a major contributor to my lack of sleep, has every bit to do with my blur being filled with goodness too.
So, I am here. Foggy-brained and all.
I had one of those moments today. You know, the ones that hit you ever so often and fill your heart with so much warmth you could cry, laugh, smile, or all of the above? They've been hitting me very often since Eli has been born, I just haven't written about each of them. These moments bring you to such emotion because you are so happy. Or rather, bring me to so much emotion because I am so happy. So happy because these are the moments. So happy that I am here. Here with my boys and wonderful husband. Watching them grow. Learning with them and sharing all that I can with them. These are the times. These are the glorious moments that shine above the rest, reminding me of how I prayed so much for this precious family. The days of sleep deprivation will pass, but so will the days of my 2 year-old Joseph and my 4-month old Eli.
Taking in this toddler's sweetness!
Evidence that the little sweet one can, in fact, sleep!
So, as much as it is hard to be present and always joyous, rather than grouchy and sleepy, I pray that God give me the grace to do better on such little sleep. Lord knows I need help with it!
Do not love sleep, lest deprivation oppress you. Open your eyes and be satisfied with bread. Proverbs 20:13
Mary, Mother of Our Lord, be a Mother to me now.