Monday, May 18, 2015

When Anxiety and Fear Strike: Saints, Loved Ones, & God

A week or so ago, I caught a sneezy cold that turned into a nasty cough. You would think this wouldn't be all that big of a deal and normally it isn't. But this time around it brought me to my knees in a fit of anxiety.

After one night of all the coughs and crazy I felt a twinge in my lower back. A mix of spasm and isolated dull pain. Fear made it's way in quick and took me straight back to my fairly recent injury (herniated disc) that had me in pain no matter whether I was lying down, sitting, or standing. Even though the twinge wasn't a crazy bout of pain, the potential for it to turn into the all too familiar crazy pain I experienced was enough to shut me down for a little.

I went to my husband in a fit of tears and was probably talking all sorts of crazy. I was encouraged to calm down and go to bed. I knew this is what needed to happen and so off I went to bed with my mind racing as fast as my heart.

On and on, through the night, my mind wandered here and there and back again. Calming down was not my forte that night.

But.

Prayer fused me back together. Not only prayers and conversations with my Lord but also the prayers that dear St. Gemma Galgani shared with me.


The night when my thoughts were running a-muck, after much googling of all the saint quotes and scriptures, my thoughts and heart ultimately came to this:

No matter what may come in the morning, all will be well.


I let that truth sink in, calmed down, and drifted to sleep. Thankfully, all was well come morn.

"It is true Jesus, if I think of what I have gone through as a child and now as a grown up girl I see that I have always had crosses to bear; But oh! how wrong are those who say that suffering is a misfortune!" 
St. Gemma Galgani

The saints have a way of sharing sweet kindness with us if we are open. Amazingly, their roads and paths have been traveled which is such a gift to us! After all was said and done, the ultimate message I embraced that night was even if I wake in miserable pain, all truly will be well.

St. Gemma is a saint I had never known prior to my injury. Not until I was in crippling pain did I seek this beautiful saint who struggled with back pain in such a severe way. And not only was she beautiful and could relate to where I was, but she had a love for God that awakened my little heart to embrace my suffering when I was first injured as well as bring calm to my most recent night of crazy.


The next day, Holy Spirit sent another gem my way. Sister Kathleen called. She too, in her old age, is struggling with severe upper back pain. We chatted and prayed and chatted. While chatting all our conversations led to the need to truly Let go.

We talked of the peace that comes with giving the Lord permission to truly reign in our lives. To let His good and perfect Will be all that we want. To trust Him entirely, no matter what suffering or joy may come.

I cried a good cry as we ended in prayer. There are so many ways that God meets me in my trials and I know that I am not alone in this. Not only dear St. Gemma and sweet Sister Kathleen, but my parents, in-laws, and friends alike have listened to my weariness. He truly does meet all of us if we just take a second (or more) to seek Him. He is there! The saints as well as the many saints-to-be that are among us are all willing and waiting to meet us too! Ready and excited to share their prayers for us in love and goodness.

It's a beautiful gift!

A gift we have in a God who promises to care for us all the days of our lives, in these wonderful men and women who have boldly gone before us in love with the same Trinitarian God we love today, and in the Body of Christ that is here sharing His True Presence ever so lovingly!

St. Gemma Galgani, pray for me...

Pray for us...

Pray for our family...


Come Holy Spirit...

Lord hear my little heart...

i am Yours...

7 comments:

  1. Thank you for this beautiful perspective on suffering and the strength and beauty found in the Body of Christ. Prayers that you feel well soon and continue to know His peace <3

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  2. Oh goodness Amanda, I'm so sorry you're still going through this! What a great outlook you have - keeping you in our prayers.

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  3. What a beautiful soul you have sweet friend. Praying you are well now. <3

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  4. I'm so sorry you are suffering. Chronic pain is nothing to laugh at.

    I love those St. Gemma quotes. Really beautiful! Praying you feel better soon.

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  5. Will keep you in my prayers! All will truly be well with Christ. And thanks for sharing those great quotes - she's one of my fave saints!

    PS: I have a legit first class relic of St. Gemma Galgani so if we ever happen to meet up, I'm definitely bringing it. :)

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  6. I'm sorry that you're going through this. What a gift that you are sharing your struggles with such humility and inspiration for others. This is why I read blogs and write one of my own. That the lessons we learn and the fruits of our suffering would help others who are a step behind us or keeping pace with us in their own struggles.

    I have not read much about St. Gemma, but I am so impressed with her and I want to read more!

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  7. What beautiful quotes - thank you for sharing them! I've loved St. Gemma for as long as I can remember. I used to name my dolls after her.
    Your perspective amidst suffering is truly inspiring. Having no experience with excruciating or chronic pain, I cannot imagine that in your situation I would handle it with such grace. What a beautiful gift to be able to unite your suffering with Christ's in the company of the saints.

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