Over the years, there have been times of pain, tears, and confusion. I've asked why? and I've sat without answers. I've read book upon book, blog post upon blog post, and researched saint upon saint.
All this to try and make sense of my present. All this to try and make sense of His Will for me.
I have had moments of clarity, some more fleeting than others. The gift of the present moment is where I found those moments of clarity that were able to further make known the path that is always continuing to reveal His Will, Purpose, and Divine Nature to my little soul.
Thinking back to the moments of pain, when I was actually sitting in the disappointment and physical agony with a heart that saw nothing but the present filled with turmoil, I was able to see a God who serves and is ever present under any and all disguises.
By His Grace, and His Grace alone, in my darkest of times I have been able to see His Face through His faithful servants and my world around me. Moments of love revealed to me only through those painful moments that now amount to mere brief periods of my life.
Some of these painful times have left their mark and continue to remind me through an ache here or an ache there that that time is no longer and that the full weight of those trying times truly have passed. They have passed but they have also left little nuggets, little reminders of what was. This is good! I don't want to forget. I want to remember the times that I was blessed to be held by my Father because who knows what is to come!
But getting back to the gift of the present moment, there is nothing more truly humbling than feeling like your Savior is kneeling before you as He washes your feet through those who love you and know you in your time of trouble.
"At every occurrence we should say: Dominus est. It is the Lord; and in all circumstances we should find a gift from God..."
-Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, S.J. Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence
A family brought you a meal. Dominus est.
Someone offered to watch your kids so you could rest or sleep. Dominus est.
Family came for a visit to share joy and love. Dominus est.
You're at the hospital facing who knows how many unknowns surrounded by the faces of your nurses and doctors that are filled with kindness and gentleness. Dominus est.
Your son gave you a flower because he saw your sadness. Dominus est.
Your husband got up with your teething baby so you could catch a few hours of sleep. Dominus est.
A stranger smiled at you as you passed by. Dominus est.
Your neighbor brought you some bread and wine. Dominus est.
You just had your third cesarean and your friends text you, check up on you, visit you, and more. Dominus est.
Your dad calls you to see how your day is going. Dominus est.
Your loved one greets you with a loving embrace. It is the Lord.
As many different scenarios I can list to share moments where He can be found, but gee whiz! how hard it truly is to still our souls enough to see Him!
I have had times of physical pain, all with their own troubles, and through each I have never felt so held, so loved, and so known. It may have taken some time to get to the point where I could honestly rest in my present but that's okay. He was still there waiting. I have had emotional pain and never have I felt so cared for, too. Through the moments of reprieve, the moments of friendship, the moments of breathing and stillness, and even in the moments of angst and struggle, there was gift. Through heartaches, sickness, sadness, pain, exhaustion and more, He is there just waiting to serve, to love, and to reveal Himself through His Mystical Body and through His beautiful and constant world of order and Truth.
When we lean in to our path and try to abandon ourselves to where we are, with the help of grace and the gift of the present moment, let us strive to see His Face. I guarantee you, no matter where you are or what is going on, Dominus est.
How has He revealed Himself to you lately? Have you been more instrument, busy being His hands and feet? or, Have you been held by His good and faithful servants? Either way, how have you been able to find Him in your present?
(For more reflections on the gift of the present moment, click on the icon above.)