the side of love // a thankful heart leaves room

Back when I met with Sister Kathleen (Met once a week for over two years.), gratitude was the pinnacle of our conversations. Prayer and grace were also big contenders, but thankful hearts were mentioned in each visit because they lend to prayer and grace and all the things of virtue that would be kind of awesome to acquire.

Scriptures that rang of His Love for us because she wanted me to recognize how He loves me. Scripture of Trusting in Him, because she wanted to challenge me to love Him in a way that trusted Him with my whole self. All of this and more always led back to hopefully inspiring a thankful heart in me.

With Christmas just around the corner, so many things come to heart while anticipating the celebration of the birth of Our Lord. The child that was and is Our Savior. The One who came to save us. Our King! It's His birthday!

Slowly but surely we are drawn into this time, every year. A time that is meant to draw us into the reality of His Flesh. The same Flesh that was nourished and nurtured in the perfect womb of Our beautiful Lady. The same Flesh that walked this earth sharing miracles and love beyond comprehension. So so much to take in, and all a midst so. much. crazy!

As we all gear up to fight our urges to let the stream of our present culture of materialism and all. the. things. I am reminded of Sister and a story she once shared as well as some scripture we spent some time on. 

And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

-Colossians 3:16 

See, I need this reminder every time this season rolls around. It's so tempting for me to receive a gift and think that I don't need it. Or, if only they had gotten me this other thing that I could use, or whatever other thought of ingratitude you could fathom. This just happens sometimes. Call it sleep-deprived neurosis or call it just a moment that happens because. sin. Regardless, all of this comes from a place of selfishness, pride, and not having a thankful heart. 

Which leads me to that story Sister shared with me once.

I forget what the occasion was (or if there even was an occasion) but I remember that Sister had a friend that brought a box of goods - mostly clothing - to the convent. This woman brought the box of goods specifically to Sister and encouraged her to sift through the items because surely there would be something Sister could put to good use. 

Sister began rummaging through all of the items and found that all the sizes were size Large and up. Now if you know Sister, you know that she is a tiny, frail, lovely Irish woman that maybe touches 100 lbs but packs a punch of Jesus that makes you want to stay with her forever and ever just so you can feel His Goodness. She left the box in frustration. Sister felt it incredulous that this friend would think that she could use any item in the box and was frustrated at the time spent sifting through it. Surely she could have been off praying or tending to another chore, while another who would be able to use the items sifted.

After leaving the box and spending time in prayer, she felt disappointed with herself. Her friend had nothing but kind and good intentions for Sister, even if the items were twice to big for her. In turn, Sister sifted again and found a beautiful knit sweater. One that fit her largely but perfectly. It turned into her most cozy and worn item, especially because she was always cold in the building where she spent a lot of her time. A gift she found because of her change of heart. 

She later told me that, had she approached the box with a thankful heart, she wouldn't have had the temptation to react the way she originally did. She told me, had she only opened the box with grateful eyes and a grateful heart, she would have known to be thankful for the gift before even opening the box, because it was a gift given in love from a friend, and that was more than enough (Her friend really did want her to find something for herself, so she told me).

At the end of Sister sharing her story, she told me that because she did not have gratitude in her heart upon receiving her gift, she ultimately did not leave room for Him.

Thereafter, so many times she would remind me that a thankful heart leaves room for Our Lord to work in us. In our hearts. For Him to surprise us in ways that we never would have anticipated. For Him to prepare us to respond in love.

And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 

-Colossians 3:15

This season, I pray that we all can open our gifts with thankful hearts and eyes. Pray that we open our gifts with gratitude in our heart so that we can be open and ready to receive goodness from our loved ones and in turn from the One who first loved us. Pray that we be able to carry the hymn of gratitude this Christmas so that we can leave room for Him to be born into this world. His gift. The beginning of His ultimate gift for us! Pray that we can welcome Him into a little manger of gratitude gathered in our hearts.

Because in receiving with a thankful heart, we truly are not only receiving but also gifting our loved ones, friends, and in turn Our Lord, with love, goodness, and joy.

Pray you and your families have a Merry Christmas! I'll be over here hoping and praying for the grace to be gracious and thankful this season for all that is to come! What are your prayers this season?

I'll be over on Instagram till after Christmas. Hope you'll join me, but either way, till then, Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Till Next Time

I haven't wanted to write this post. Or rather, I've struggled to write it. Probably for a few reasons. First off, who wants to wrap up allowing your mind to take you back to re-think/experience such a wonderful, family-filled beach vacation? Second, I hate saying good-bye to my grandma. Ever since I moved, our visits are always so brief. She holds a very special place in my heart. Lastly, I'm going to share about our brief visit we had with Sister Kathleen (Special K, as close friends refer to her as). I've been wanting to see her for quite some time. The last time I saw her was a few weeks before moving away from College Station - a good three months after GeekMan and I were first married. I've been wanting to see her for a number of reasons, but mainly because she has been in and out of the hospital since January for a broken ankle and hip.

Despite my struggle to write this post, today, I will finish it and I'll probably spend most of it sharing about our time with Special K. So, sit down, relax, and bear with me as I hash out this post that may will be lengthy.

~~~

Sunday morning, we woke up fairly early and loaded up the van, again. We said our good-bye's to my parents, my brother, and Erin and rushed over to my grandma's house. I say rush because any morning that you wake up knowing you have to drive 10-12 hours with two kiddos under two makes you feel like you are in a constant state of frantic rush that makes your head spin (or at least it makes mine feel that way).

We arrived at my grandma's and hugged, chatted, and loved. She offered food as she always does (It's one of the ways she loves us grand-kids. She fed us. Good stuff!) and I tried my best to be present rather than worry about the drive ahead. The boys were sweet. But, time was not. It refused to slow down and I could feel it nudging at me to get started on our long drive ahead that consisted of one planned stop to see Special K.

There's never enough time. But, we can't help but be thankful for the path our Lord shares with us (as Special K reminded me of). So, even though it was rushed, I couldn't be more thankful for the time we had with my grandma, aunts, and cousin. Saying till next time to my grandma is always the hardest. Like I said, we have a special something. It's hard to describe, but I know it, and she knows it, and it is good.

All the family hugged, kissed, and said till next time. Then it was back on the road.

~~~

The boys did pretty awesome the first stretch. We almost made it to Houston without stopping! Mind you, once Linus realized that this miracle was about to happen he decided he had to do something about it. Trust me when I say, he did something about it. We made a good two stops within an hour before arriving at this beautiful destination:

This convent feels like home to me. I spent a good hour, every Friday, for about two and half years here. Special K provided my husband and I a retreat here weeks before our wedding day. The retreat was perfect and beautiful and such a gift! I've been to Mass here. I've prayed here. I've cried here. I've shared here. I've laughed and experienced such joy here. I've met Our Lord in Eucharistic Adoration here. I spent so much time with Christ here. So many beautiful moments that my heart will be forever grateful for. 

While I'm grateful for all things I just mentioned, Bigfoot was pretty grateful for the lions at the entrance. Pretty sure that was the first thing he talked to Special K about when we arrived to her room.

"Everything that exists is a gift from God. When the soul wraps itself around the things and the people of this world, looking for a satisfaction or fulfillment that only God can give, it produces a distortion in itself and in others as well. 

The process of unwinding this possessive, self-centered, clinging and disordered seeking of things and persons is sometimes called detachment. The goal of the process of detachment is not to stop loving the things and the people of this world, but to love them even more truly in God, under the reign of Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit.
(Wisdom 13:3, 4, 7b-9)" 

-The Fullfillment of All Desire, 205 by Ralph Martin

Family and friends, meet Special K (Sister Kathleen). She is beautiful and amazing. She is so in love with our Savior. She is honest and real about her journey with our Lord. Honest and real with a spirit that is always trusting and loving and filled with Joy and Gratitude for Him, even when times are trying.

When I mentioned that we were going to try and stop by to see her, she responded with, "Yes! Our Lord is good and loving and will make a path for us if He wills it. If He wills it, it will happen and we'll be grateful, but if not, then we shall also be thankful for He has plans for us."

Sweet Sister, in her heart, wanted so much for this visit to happen. I could hear it in her voice when I first told her. The Joy that she had could knock you over! Not only because she loves our little family, but she has had some trying months. Being in and out of the hospital is difficult, even moreso when all your immediate family is in Ireland, but thankfully the family you've come to know most your life are all as present as they can be. Hospital stays can feel lonely and try the best of us, even with loved ones near. But, she put all that aside, and quickly responded to me with a beautiful detachment that allowed Our Lord to bless her no matter the outcome.

To say that I am so happy that Our Lord set it in our hearts to come see her (even if it was only for 45-minutes), is no where near accurate. My heart felt a peace and joy that only He can understand. He did bless us and we were all so thankful. Below are some of the sweet moments I captured. Enjoy!

Here, Sweet Linus and Sister are just taking each other in. It was precious to see him explore her face and to hear the constant joy in her voice to be holding such a beautiful gift from God. 

Then came Bigfoot. He called her "Sithter" and talked to her about the lions.

Sister was so captivated by Bigfoot. She had such excitement when he told her "God bwess you" after she told him the very same thing. She told him how Jesus loved him very much and he responded with, "Jethus, yethh.". I wish I had been video recording to capture her excitement upon hearing those words come from my little toddler's mouth!

His words gave a joy to her heart that was so evident in her voice and face it made me teary.

Bigfoot, our affectionate child, gave her a little toddler kiss. She then reached over for a little token. She looked at me and said, "This is all I have for him, is it okay?". How could we turn her down? Bigfoot was so excited, as was she, that she gave him this little token. In and out of his pocket it went throughout the rest of our visit.

Now, every time he sees it, he proclaims, "Sithter!"

Sister and I embraced and loved all the precious moments we were given. Like with my grandmother, Sister and I have something special. She knows it. I know it. We were kindred from the start. I love her very much and am so thankful to Our Lord's Divine Providence that placed all the right people in our lives to allow us to share the time we did, growing and learning how to love and know Him more. I learned so much from the time I spent with her.

When describing her to others, I always liken it to being in the presence of Christ (If you ask my husband, he'd say the same.). There is Joy. Peace. Goodness. Love. There is a handmaid, embracing her fiat daily. I miss her already just writing this. And, by missing her, I know what I really miss is the very Savior who brought our paths together - for all things point back to He who is Love (another Special K tidbit). The Savior who shared his beautiful servant with me so that I could know Him more. The same Savior who shared a beautiful family of grandparents, parents, brothers, and sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins, friends of old and new, with little me, so that I could know His Goodness so intimately.

"Return, O my soul, to your rest;for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."

Psalm 116:7

Getting back to our visit, time began to nudge me again and make my head spin. Always too fast when you want it to be slow and always to slow when you want it to be fast! Calling us to get back on the road. Understandably though, since we had quite a bit of road still to cover. And, I had a feeling Linus was not going to be happy about any of it (He was satisfied with the bout of awesomeness he gave us the first hours of our drive).

So, we said till next time, again. Our drive the rest of the way was filled with stops thanks to both of our monkeys, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I was still honeymooning over a wonderful trip.

Since being back, I've pulled out my copy of Fulfillment of All Desires by Ralph Martin. My old roomie, Nic  (Miss you, friend!), gave me this copy. This is the book that Sister asked me to get during our first meeting for spiritual direction. I remember Sister being so thrilled that Nic had already blessed me with a copy! This book has been a go-to since then. The excerpt below could not be more fitting for the very person that walked through a good part of this book with me:

"Certainly there are within the Church of God spiritual persons who serve him faithfully and with confidence, speaking with him as a man speaks with his friend, and whos consciences bear witness to his glory. But who these are is known only to God, and if you desire to be among them, then hear what sort of people you should be. I say this, not as one who knows it by experience, but as one who desires to do so. Show me a soul which loves nothing but God and what is to be loved for God's sake, to whom to live is Christ, and of whom this has been true for a long time now; who in work and leisure alike endeavors to keep God before his eyes, and walks humbly with the Lord his God, who desires that his will may be one with the will of God, and who has been given the grace to do these things." 

-St. Bernard from Fulfillment of all Desires, 206 by Ralph Martin

Thank you Lord for the gifts you blessed us with throughout our little vacation. Thank you for bringing one of your spiritual persons that St. Bernard speaks of into our lives. We are grateful. Grateful for everything. 

"I had wondered for a long time why God had preferences and why all souls did not receive an equal amount of grace [...] Jesus saw fit to enlighten me about this mystery. He set the book of nature before me and I saw that all the flowers He has created are lovely. The splendour of the rose and whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. I realised that if every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness and there would be no wild flowers to make the meadows gay. It is just the same in the world of souls — which is the garden of Jesus. He has created the great saints who are like the lilies and the roses, but He has also created much lesser saints and they must be content to be the daisies or the violets which rejoice His eyes whenever He glances down. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being that which He wants us to be." -St. Therese of Lisieux

"Good will, strengthened by the grace of God, will produce marvelous results. Yet, in order to succeed we must try hard to know and to feel the beauty of virtue and the joy that is in store for those who serve a loving God."- St. John Bosco

Happy Feast of St. John Bosco, patron saint of our youth.

St. John Bosco, pray for us!