the side of love // little bits of beauty

Beauty has been on the mind a lot lately. It's not too surprising given that Our Divine Artist has shared so much to entice our senses, but I also know my senses crave this when there's turmoil in the air.

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There isn't necessarily turmoil in our home. But, I'd be lying to say what happens outside of our little home doesn't affect us as a family. The truth is, it does. It always does. And, it always will.

Life happens in our home and life happens outside our home. Right now there's just a lot of crazy, and not just crazy, but terrifying crazy happening on the outside.

26/52

Don't get me wrong. There is a time to discuss, act, and mourn the sadness, pain, and sin that is going on near and far. There is. 

But today, from my little corner, I'm wanting to share some beauty. Beauty that we had before we had some of the craziest months ever. 

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The beauty and goodness we experienced the week before we came home from the island with the parasite that plagued my youngest was so good. So so good.

Despite my morning sickness and despite my crazy fatigue there was still so much good to take in. These photos are really just the tip of the iceberg to be honest. We had so many good moments filled with love, laughs, friends, and family.

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These photos were just so easy to take, too. The colors were everywhere! The sights moving with the motion of the ocean, always giving us new glimpses of so much to absorb - so much to embrace and breathe in.

When your senses have experienced and seen these gifts, your soul just feels soothed with hope and calm no matter what is happening in your home or in the world.

Despite our inclination to stress or fall into all the struggles that surround each and every one of us, beauty is always there. Waiting for us to open our eyes, heart, and soul to her.

Beauty loves to hold us.

Beauty is always ready to be seen.

Never faltering. Never hiding. Always on the surface if we just take the time to look.

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I love beauty and the story it shares. I love how it moves us closer to Him and shows us His Radiant Face.

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Praying these little glimpses of beauty I caught a few months ago soothe your soul the way it has mine.

And praying that you are able to see and experience some beauty and goodness in your day today, too. I know there's a lot in the world that needs our prayer and action, but I also know that we must sustain ourselves however we can.

This is my little way to do so - finding and sharing my little bits of beauty.

twenty-four & twenty-five // horsetrack

Twenty-four/52

Bigfoot. He was 3 here. That smile. His sweetness. So good! Loves being silly, his Uncle Godfather who brought us all to this horse racetrack, and togetherness. 

Linus. 2. Silly, funny, and such a character. When asked to smile, this is what he does. Eye squint with a tiny tilt at one corner of his mouth. Loves loves loves horses, horses, horses. This horse racetrack was absolute heaven for him.

Twenty-five/52

Bigfoot. 3 here. Loves all things physically challenging, rough play, and the fact that the horse he bet a quarter on, won!

Linus. 2. Loved his experience at the racetrack, was excited his horse came in third, and to this day prays in thanksgiving for hosetwack every. single. night. Seriously, it's been three months of thankful prayers during family prayer time.

Slowly but surely, I'm catching up!

embrace the ordinary // a little love journey

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you.”
-Jeremiah 1:5

Dearest Precious P,

Meet your family! Here we are just weeks before you were gifted to my womb from the One who loved you first. We are a little family of four and we all couldn't be more excited that you have made us a family of five. 

In fact, I had a mama-hunch. The kind that just moved my little heart to think there was something greater than I happening. I just knew you were with us - or would be soon. Your siblings had been praying for you. Especially your oldest sibling. How he's been waiting and hoping for you! Your daddy and I had held prayers in our hearts for a while before God decided it was time. Time for you! 

At first, I thought I'd take that pesky little pregnancy test on your daddy's birthday. I thought it would be the most perfect little gift I could share with him. Only, you weren't just yet ready to be revealed. 

Then, come Mother's day, I decided I'd check once more. I thought how sweet it would be for you to be made known to me on a day that honors the very vocation I spent years upon years praying for. 

Sure enough. I was right! You were here. With us. Your little family. 

I made daddy a card. He was completely unsuspecting and shed some pretty beautiful tears of Joy and Delight when he made sense of my drawings and words. I shared in his tears because when your given the grace to embrace a miracle, sometimes the only way our soul can express itself is tears. Not tears of sadness, necessarily. Not when there's a miracle! But rather of goodness and beauty and joy! Sometimes your senses just get overwhelmed by it all and there's nothing else to do.

Since that day lots has happened. We've shared with family and friends about your beautiful presence. We've shared your beating heart, time and time again. We've shared pictures of you every time we get a new one because we love seeing you grow. And we've shared moments. So many moments, precious one!

So many, I think it only right to show you all that you've been present for. Mind you, you may not be fully aware of all that is going on but I can surely tell you that those around you do know you are there and it's all kinds of wonderful. 

So let's start here. You were present when your brothers were dancing, bouncing, and playing around on another rainy. Mama knew you were there from various telling symptoms. Symptoms I can only be thankful for because they kept me present to you.

 Then there were family visits. You've been prayed for and loved by your grandparents.

 And great-grandparents! GG couldn't be more excited for you!

OH! And then there was your Uncle getting engaged to a wonderful woman.

 You were there with me while I snapped these photos.

You're brothers got some buzzy-cuts that everyone is a huge fan of. Not sure if you'll need this or not. Only time will tell. 

Daddy likes taking your brothers to a nearby wood workshop. Sometimes they stay and work there and others Daddy brings the supplies home to work here. There were loud bangs happening for sure.

And then there was your announcement. After sharing the gift of you with family and local friends we decided to share you with mama's friends through this beautiful online community she has been blessed with. Everyone is so excited and praying for us!

I started feeling your flutters pretty early. It's a thing with me. I felt your brother's flutter pretty early on too. We're about 10-11 weeks here. We traveled to a few beaches and saw some family as well as spent some vacation time with dear friends.

All those symptoms we were talking about earlier kind of hit mama hard this week as she wasn't used to the hustle and bustle of travel. Nor was I used to missing naps. But even though the week was physically trying, my heart was so full.

 I know you're going to love all these trips when we make them again once you're in our arms. Especially the beach. You'll love the beach. Everyone in your little family loves the beach and I'm glad I could share the sway of the ocean and all of it's grand sounds with you throughout the week. Just trying to give you a head start for some delightfulness that is to come, precious one.

You went to your first baseball game for your oldest brother's birthday. He turned four! Can you believe it? I still can't! He adores baseball and all things sports related.

 Donut cakes are his thing! Can't wait to find out yours!

We also spent some time with your youngest brother's Godparents and kiddos. We all had such a great time and guess what! You got to spend time with your new little friend. We don't know her name yet, but she is just a week older than you at this point. We'll see come y'alls birthdays if that will change at all or not.

 Here we are and there you are. My little precious bumpity bump.

 You're brother's love the water. Pray you do too! It's your mama's favorite place next to an adoration chapel.

 And look at you here. You'll come to see that your brother's are both jokers. I know they can't wait to share their goofiness with you. I also know they will absolutely love making you laugh every chance they get.

We spend a lot of time reading. It's a good snuggle time. Usually when we're all reading together, one or both of your brothers have a hand on your present home - my womb. It's pretty sweet.

 We all went to the theater for a movie. First time ever!

 Uncle Myke and Erin came over for Mousetrap. Lots of fun times ahead, precious one!

 We've spent so much time outside. Mama sipping on one of her favorite drinks while enjoying two of her favorite things - your brother's playing and enjoying each other and reading.

Lots of sunshine this summer. I'm a huge fan and know you will be. Your oldest brother would live outside if I let him. While your youngest brother has a knack for the arts. They're both pretty wonderful and I can't wait for you all to meet!

Precious one, this has been your journey thus far. It's been a full 20-weeks and now we have another 20 to go. Pray you're cozy. Pray you're feeling held. Pray you know the love we have for you. And pray that God continue to bless us with the grace to grow in love and truth as a family so that we may be fully prepared to share those same blessings with you, sweet one.

I'm thankful for your journey. The highs and lows. The constant fatigue, stretching, and growing. It's all good. It's all sanctifying. It keeps me learning and gaining perspective on life, love, truth, suffering, joy, and so much more. And I'm grateful.

Thank you for your presence. Can't wait to see where the rest of this journey takes us. Pray that God continue to hold us in His Perfect Love and Goodness, come what may.

i love you. every bit of you. so very much.

“I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would no longer be enameled with lovely hues. And so it is in the world of souls, Our lord's living garden.”

― Thérèse de Lisieux

wiws // red, white, and bump

Back again! For another What I Wore Sunday post! Who would have thought? Me? Blogging twice in one weekend? And yet, here I am.

My husband was gone all week long! Or at least it felt like that in my mind since he was gone last weekend, worked Tuesday through the evening and was dropped off at the airport on Wednesday after work only to return yesterday evening. So yes. He was gone all week long!

The good news is: I survived! And honestly, I think we did pretty well all things considered. The boys turned into some pretty good helpers which this mama much appreciated and the weather was nice enough to let us have lots o' outside time, which we all loved - especially come bedtime.

The not so good news: Littlest of littles, came down with a tummy bug this morn. Not the best way to ring in daddy's first morning back, but Linus definitely has won in the Daddy snuggle department all day. I think it balances out, especially since the little guy kept telling daddy how much he missed him and loves him while snuggling. It's been pretty sweet. 

Meanwhile my oldest and I went to Mass. All will be well and is well, really. Linus is already starting to have a little more pep and honestly, this is par for course after the parasite. His doctor did say his immune system would be pretty shot for a while. We'll just have to keep on truckin' onward towards getting the little man back to good health - little by little, day by day.

But, how about the Mass readings to give a little perspective to this mama!?

--

Mark 7: 5-8, 14-15, 21-23

So the Pharisees and scribes questioned him,
“Why do your disciples not follow the tradition of the elders
but instead eat a meal with unclean hands?”
He responded,
“Well did Isaiah prophesy about you hypocrites, as it is written:
This people honors me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines human precepts.
You disregard God’s commandment but cling to human tradition.”

He summoned the crowd again and said to them,
“Hear me, all of you, and understand.
Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person;
but the things that come out from within are what defile.

“From within people, from their hearts,
come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder,
adultery, greed, malice, deceit,
licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly.
All these evils come from within and they defile.”

--

When I woke up this morning to my son being sick, all I could think of are all the ways I could have surely prevented this. Cleaner house, washing homeschool academy uniforms with hot water instead of cool, being better about washing his hands all the live long day - because, germs germs germs, and the list goes on.

So you can imagine my little snicker when the gospel was surrounding the traditions of keeping clean hands. All, I could think was, I'm with ya, Pharisees! Clean hands! Yes! We could have used some cleaner hands in our house, surely! Maybe little guy wouldn't be sick right now... Why don't my boys wash their hands all day long? ...they really need to do that more...I should really prompt them more... ... ...

AND THEN

Jesus is like, check yourselves! You want to talk about what could ruin you? I'll tell you. Bam! Perspective.

Sicknesses come and go and even if the sickness doesn't ever go in the more tragic cases, all of it doesn't change the fact that our hearts and how we nourish/direct them is what matters. Are our hearts His? Are they being tended? Nourished with word and deed? Are they responding in love for Him in truth and goodness?

No matter how many times my little ones get sick, or for how long, what matters is how I respond. Sure, there may have been things I could have done different, but what matters is what I choose to do now. What matters is what I choose to see in these moments I'm presented with. Not nit-picking but instead focusing myself and figuring out how I can better know, love, and serve Him in the big and little things I do so that my heart can be nourished and moving towards Him - not away.

Like I said, Bam.

Alllllrriiiighty now! Onto some What I Wore, like I mentioned at the very start of this post. 

First off, I wore a bump. A 20-week bump to be exact!

 HALF WAY! So, what say you? Boy? Girl?

Long skirts and random shirts matching and being worn like above have been soooo very pleasant, easy, and comfy this pregnancy! I love how I can wear this type of thing, pretty much, until I'm larger than large and huge.

If you can believe it, I've had these sandals since college. True story! I'm pretty sure they are American Eagle and the nail polish has been sported since early June. It's just how this summer has rolled so excuse the funny feet.

And here we are with the side profile of the bumpity bump bump. The skirt is from Francesca's. I found it on their sale rack for a pretty awesome price. WIN! The shirt is from Forever 21? I think?

Anywho, it's a hodgepodge of an outfit but it worked and was comfy!

How are y'all getting along this Sunday. Praying for a beautiful day filled with lots of love and clean hands. ;)

23/52 // buzzy-cuts

Ha! I know. I know! 23/52? Shouldn't I be posting 34/52?

See, this post has been in my drafts since the start of the summer. Now that I'm a good 10 weeks behind on Project 52: Weekly portraits of my little buds, I figured I'd put this draft to good use!

--

Look who's ready for summer!!

The boys got their first buzzy-cuts this past weekend. Only that last sentence would have been true way back in early June. Sorry for the confusion, but goodness how time has flown! 

A little snack and some Paw Patrol and we had some pretty happy campers.

And, can I just say, why didn't anyone tell me of the ease of these boy buzzcuts!!??? Oh my goodness, my world has changed!

Buzzcuts forever if I have any say about it all! Or at least, as long as we are saloning it up in our home.

There is an incredible ease to these cuts for our boys! Plus it keeps their tops more airy. And if you have boys, you know what I'm talking about! More hair (especially if it's thick!) just makes for one sweaty hot mess, whether you are running outside or napping in the cool indoors.

We've had buzz-cuts all summer. The boys love them. We love them. Daddy is becoming a pro at cutting them and all is well!

Get ready for some random updates and me trying to catch up on that Project 52! I want to remember all the things, so I will be putting forth the effort!

Hope I don't bore y'all too much!

mommyhood // there is always something else.

Nothing shocks you into reality like feeling like there's absolutely nothing you can do to help your suffering two-year old.

Summer was flying by in a way that screams sun, breezes, swimwear, grass-stains and more all while overwhelming our memories with smells of sunscreen and bug spray. The moments were good. We were enjoying our moments. Living and breathing and growing together. Seeing family and nurturing friendships. Celebrating birthdays and enjoying all the embraces that Love has to offer.

And then, come July, our little guy became plagued with a little something that did not want to leave him be. Nights filled with up-chucking and days and nights filled with the same struggle just on the other end. It was relentless. This went on for a month and half. Medicine after medicine were tried. Four rounds total to be accurate.The moment I saw our pediatrician seem baffled - our very knowledgeable and trusted  pediatrician who's seen it all - the words just spilled from my heart as the tears streamed from my eyes...

Will this kill my baby?

When you reach a moment like this there's no where to go. You're there standing and staring at your wall that's straight in front of you. Only, you can't stay there. You can't stay there. You keep going. Little by little. Faithfully and with hope.

Faith and hope.

It's like a reflex. Faith and hope just nudge you along saying all will be well. No matter what.

No matter what?

How so? How can all be well no matter what? How does one endure suffering, the kind that is happening to your little toddling heart that has managed his way outside of you through gift and miracle? How can one be terrified and yet move forward in faith, hope, and trust?

"When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he lovedhe said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.”Then he said to the disciple,“Behold, your mother.”And from that hour the disciple took her into his home." 

-John 19: 26-27

Well, for starters, He gave us His Mother. No one can understand what it feels like to endure the suffering of one's child more than Our Blessed Mother. She birthed Love Incarnate. She raised and loved the Man who would save the world. She lived along walking Love. The kind that innately draws you in. This woman of old. She knows.

Every moment I could remember, my heart whispered: Mary, Mother of my Lord, be a mother to me now.

I know she was holding me in her prayers. I know she knew the strain my heart felt. And when this was all going down, I knew she would have the words to share with her Son. The words that were loosely in my scattered brain. The ones I was shouting but just couldn't seem to put together.

So prayer. Prayer. and more prayer were my allies all through His beautiful Mother.

Then there's my Lord.

"When Jesus had taken the wine, he said,

“It is finished.”

And bowing his head, he handed over the spirit." 

-John 19:30

He just let go. He let His Will work alongside His Father's. He let Himself be held.

There does come a point where we, in our lives, come to our little crosses. Mine felt small and insignificant compared to His and so many others, but I'm not here to compare my recent present. My present was where I was and He met me there as I sought Him. 

I sought Him with my continuous: Jesus, I trust in You. 

Again and again, those words were whispered. They were whispered even when my heart struggled to believe what my head and soul were telling me. The reality of His Word made flesh. The reality of yesterday, today, and the good that is to come if I earnestly try, day in and day out, to walk and breathe my fiat. He lived so that I could live. He died so that we could endure and know that the wall is never truly there. Instead, His Presence. His Peace. His Strength. That's what's there! That's what helps you see up and over, around, or even through your wall. Letting go and letting Him hold you in His Will so that you can continue down your road of sanctification.

When we are seeking while standing in front of our wall, what we are seeking is reason, logic, how-to's, what-to-do's - all of it. But the point is we are seeking.

Why are we seeking? The reason for me goes a little something like this: the One who made me and wrote the law of Love and Truth on my heart while knitting me in my mother's womb - He pulls me. Pulls us. He gave us His Mother, He gave us Himself. He draws us near if we let Him - even in suffering. Or rather, especially in suffering.

"So submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." 

-James 4:7-8

Suffering. The cross. The very place where the ultimate expression of Love happened. Where sin was conquered. There He faced his wooden wall, and here we face our wall - our little cross. Or so it feels like it. The place that stops you and makes you feel like there is nothing else. Most likely, one of many you'll experience in this life because sin entered the world and we all have free will. Only there is something else. There is always something else.

He called us, He meets us, He listens to us when we call, and keeps near - if we let Him.

"Love, and he will draw near; love, and he will dwell within you. The Lord is at hand; have no anxiety. Are you puzzled to know how it is that he will be with you if you love? God is love.” 

-St. Augustine of Hippo

In the end, my little one did not die from the parasite that plagued him. We survived this little ordeal and I'm pretty sure the little guy did a million times better coping with the insanity that lasted for a month and a half than all else who live in our little house hold. In fact, I know this to be a fact! He was a warrior, while I was his little sidekick on my knees pleading for his healing.

When suffering and love meet, He draws us in. He draws us all in giving us alternatives. Letting us know we don't have to stay stuck. That there truly is something else. He lived so this could be true. So, He really is at hand, always - but I will say, it definitely takes a certain force of the will to seek, to be open, to choose to serve, and to embrace His Will and Grace amidst all the crazy! Phew!

---

"Prayer is the place of refuge for every worry, a foundation for cheerfulness, a source of constant happiness, a protection against sadness." 

-St. John Chrysostom

#BISSisterhood

wiws // bump-date and my favorite daily lipwear

Again. How do you post after you've had so much crazy?! Or at least as much crazy as this easy-going, slow, phlegmatic can manage in one summer!

Thanks be to God, our youngest is free of that parasite that plagued him for more than half of our summer. Relief and gratitude can't even begin to describe this mama's feelings in the least! But, here we are! Ready to roll into a Catholic Pre-k homeschool hybrid year, keep on keeping on with a growing two year-old who is quite the budding artist, and my ever expanding waist line that is filled with the wonderful bebe tres. 

Speaking of the littlest one, here's a little bump update along with a What I Wore Sunday for my own keepsake and for some link-up fun!

Dress: My Mom bought it for me from Macy's. She's found some great stuff there!

Belt: Belongs to another dress and since this one came without (the actual one wasn't on when purchased, hence sale rack win!)

Glasses: Parade

Bump: 18.5 weeks

Earings: James Avery
Necklace: James Avery again because I heart them!

• Chain
• Charms: Eucharist and Motherhood.

Lipstick: My current FAVORITE nude! NARS: Satin Lip Pencil - Rikugien

Do you spy the lipstick? Probably not because being the non-selfie loving person that I am, I'm pretty sure the lipstick had already mostly worn off after asking my husband to take yet another shot that doesn't make me look like a blimp nor like I'm 4 feet tall (Goodness, I'm 5'6", love!) or like the complete goober that I am. Ah well! Trust me when I say it's a lovely daily lip color!

And then there's my favorite new photo-bomber. It's his new thing. Bombing photos. All the photos!

It's pretty sweet really and pretty funny when he does it. Gotta love that little face and that big heart!

Short and sweet for today because it's what I've got. I'm slowly but surely getting back into the swing of things and have doing a little updating here and there of the blog face and Facebook page to help me still feel connected to my little space which I do miss!

Hope y'all hang around! Those who have hung around whether it be on Facebook or Instagram and have been praying for our family (especially our little Linus), THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU...There really aren't enough thank yous in the world! This last month and a half has had some terrifying downs and I couldn't be more thankful to see the up right now! So much love and gratitude for y'all. Seriously!

Okay. I'm done with my little bit of mushy mixed with heart eyes and hugs. Head over to Fine Linen and Purple to see what others wore on Sunday.