I mentioned last Sunday that I was going to whole-heartedly try to unplug and to be more intentional about my day-to-day to-dos. For the most part things are going alright. Now, let's get specific.
Facebook has been deleted from my phone and the time spent on that little social network/black hole of my time has dramatically changed. I don't think to get on anymore, aside during my possible mini break when both boys are sleeping at the same time (rare) or at night before Linus wakes to nurse. So there has been an upside to this one specific change. Less phone time...kind of.
I try to remember to leave my phone in the kitchen while I'm at the table or in the room playing with the boys, but this one doesn't always happen. I worry that I may miss a call or text from someone that may need a response so I ultimately keep it with me. I have lessened my screen time even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. This area can definitely use some improvement only because I think to look at my phone often to check for hypothetical texts, calls, or emails.
Now, here is where I am getting into my struggle of unplugging. My brain and selfishness are hard to turn off! As much as there has been less phone time, I am struggling with being as present as I would like. Possibly because I'm going stir-carazzy here with icepocalypse 2013 going on over here in Dallas, but still not an excuse.
Often times I find myself just wanting a little break to sit and watch a show (i.e. not think and be mindless.), which I ultimately do after the boys are in bed during naps or bedtime. And then there's the feeling that I'm just not doing so hot with the potty-training/two-year old toddler stage of life mixed with crawling baby boy who travels at the speed of light to get into anything and everything at the very same time said toddler needs to go to the potty? I mean my tolerance/mama patience wears thin real quick after cleaning up the potty that was meant for the paw-dee. It's yuck. And as much as I can do diapers there's just something about the lack of containment and my toddler who oh-so-easily can become so consumed with whatever he's doing, so much so that he fails to mention he needed to go sit. And then there's me who doesn't just take him because I'm tending to the little guy. Oye! I'm getting tired just writing this out! So, let's just say it's just a combination of it all?
On that crazy note, I've recently and randomly remembered Special K (Sister Katherine) encouraging me to rest in this scripture:
Jesus said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.Mark 6: 31
Sweet Sister, resting is something that my personality definitely lends to, probably too much! I could easily be a professional rest-er. I know very well how to rest. But, I don't think I've been resting the way she meant nor how Christ wants me to. You see, after my tid-bits of "rest", I'm not feeling rejuvenated. So, I must be missing something.
Over Thanksgiving break, there was lots of hustle and bustle around preparing all the incredibly yummy goodness that was had. My mom and I did a lot. We were non-stop. I, mostly, following the lead of my mother who has hosted a number of Thanksgivings (She was awesome!). She knew what to do and she knew how to do it well. It was go-time for most of the day. Even meal-time felt like go-time because we have the littles.
Now, being someone who loves to be in the kitchen, I enjoyed every bit of it. Or rather, I loved the baking portion because that is one thing that just relaxes me and makes me happy. The big bird thing, not so much. I'm with Britt on this one. There's something about handling raw birds that I just don't do - unless I really have to (insert super-hero mom -my mom- who was uh-mazing with the turkey!).
But, getting back to the resting portion of this post, I felt most rejuvenated when I was with little Linus sitting and nursing him. I treasured sitting with him in the rocker for nursing all throughout Thanksgiving day. And as much as I love our nursing relationship, I loved it in a new way on that day. It made time stand still. I felt like I came away with Him to rest awhile. I reflected. I nourished. It was peaceful. It was life-giving. I prayed. I was thankful. I was happy for the moment to reflect and to snuggle the sweet little life that He blessed us with. I felt the most unplugged then.
The nursing sessions gave me a chance to reflect on all the so many wonderful posts about Advent that all you awesome bloggers put out the week prior to Advent and the week of (yup, I am the least on-time person in the universe). Posts on silence. Posts on waiting. Posts on being present. So many beautiful insights from so many wonderful women trying to set a tone in their home that reflects the amazing journey Our Lady had up to the birth of her beautiful and perfect Son. The journey of her waiting on the Lord.
Be still before the LORD; wait for him.
She waited on Him who was already with her. He was with her before He was in her womb, He was with her in a beautiful way while in her womb, and He was with her in such a special way during His journey. But, the point is He was with her.
And, the point is He is with me. In all these wonderful ways. I felt most unplugged while I, with my heart, mind, and soul, was with Him. Not on a show. Not while I was complaining. Not while I was not getting stuff done and frustrated that I had so much to get done. Not when I lost my patience for the umpteenth time. It was when I let myself, let Him, fill me with good things.
Week one of Advent has passed. I missed celebrating the Feast of St. Nicholas (one of my favorites), I am just putting up our Advent wreath, I am just starting to pull out Christmas decorations, and am just behind on all things Advent life, but I am hoping and praying I am more present and intentional in the weeks to come. More unplugging. More stillness internally. The external is going to be crazy. It is going to keep going. It's the inside that I need to keep calm. Keep quiet and still. So that I can share that joy that I feel in my heart about the upcoming birth of our Savior.
With His Grace!
O come o come Emmanuel!