childhood // two months of dandelion

We wake. We nurse. We move, snuggle, settle. 

The morning light comes in, your brothers sneak into our room to "check" in on us, and the day starts.

I'm groggy and slow; you're nestled and sweet - per usual. Your big brother opens the window blinds to really wake our hearts and I try to mosey my way out of bed as cat-like as possible to keep you still and sleeping sweetly. Daddy is bustling around getting ready for work and life is starting again, anew.

On good days, I head out to get your brothers started with their day. On slower days, they join us in bed for some snuggles or are encouraged to read books in the room quietly instead of their preferred play of dragons and knights.

Once my sleepy-mama brain starts functioning at better capacity, I herd your big brothers out of our bedroom, down the hallways, and to the living room pushing back window curtains throughout our home. I get to the kitchen and juices and simple breakfasts are served. All is well.

These mornings and days and nights with you have been good. You make mothering three, easy. And believe me when I say, it's not me. I make things hard. Mothering in the morning is not my forte. But you and His Grace, sweet girl, make me feel like I've sort of got a handle on this transition.

Baby girl, you are two months! Time just continues to fly. You continue to grow into the sweetest of sweet hearts and I continue to be in awe of that goodness. So does Daddy. He loves you so. All of you! 

Oh, sweet girl! These boys! How they love and adore beautiful you! They truly do. It's so lovely and inspiring, really!

They check in on you often, ask to hold you, give you night-time kisses and pray for you. They tell you that they are your big brothers and that they love you. They tell you these sweet things often and it's the sweetest. You usually stop stirring when you hear them near. Pretty sure you love them too in your own little new baby way.

I'm still learning about the world of cuteness and bows and cardis, so bear with me little one. I'm trying!

These sleep smiles are the sweetest! and, In this last month you've started smiling when you see our faces. It's so fun!

You've been showered with so many lovely gift from family and friends! It's been amazing and we are all so very grateful! 

You love a good snuggle, especially in mamas, daddy's arms. Let's be honest though, you really just adore being held and are open to sharing your snuggles with all who want to love ya!

Here you are with the man who kept us both alive. He's all kinds of wonderful and I will be sure to tell you the story of how he blessed us. He's a good man, sweetheart, and we are so very grateful for him and all he does.

I love capturing you while you are sleeping. Honestly, you're such a little beauty while asleep or awake or crying, even (your cry is gentle, sweet, and it just amazes me)! A sweet cry? I never knew that even existed.

You are gaining weight well and are quite the healthy little bundle. You are a nursing champ, but I will say that you are the messiest little nursing champ I ever did know.

You aren't always so sure what to do when your big brothers are loving on you.

Your hair! Love! It's some kind of magic in the way it stands and we have yet to figure out your eye color. For the longest time they were this grey-blue color and now they're getting hints of gold/tan. Could you be the first to have your Nonna's hazel eyes? Only time will tell, sweet one.

These last 8 weeks have been wonderful with you in them. You've been practicing lifting your head, you love to grab onto mommy and daddy's clothes while we hold you and it's adorable, you nestle into me while I sing our sleepy songs, and you sigh. Yes, you read that right, you s i g h.

I never knew babies could sigh!? Now that I do, I have to say that your sigh just makes my heart skip a beat with all the love for how adorable you are.

Mama loves you, precious Dandelion, and can't wait to get to know you more! So keep on keeping on, littlest love of ours, and we'll be here all along the way doing our best to share His Love back with you!

childhood // linus turns 3

Joining for some quick-takes: Linus birthday favorites edition!

1. Family, pizza, and red balloons

2. Getting sung to, birthday candles, and Dragon cakes

3. Gifts filled with Dragons, Knights, Books, Horses, and Legos

4. Being the Green Knight and conquering Dragons all the live long day

5. Drawing, coloring, and building Dragons

6. Pinata Dragons that have Sweets Surprises

7. Being silly, lovable, and absolutely wonderful

Happy birthday to our Linus who has a knack for silly, a gift for artistry, and presently, a love of all things imagination, dragons, books, knights, and legos!

Ugga Mugga, little one!

We all love you more than you'll ever know!

7QT

mommyhood // a birth story for dandelion - when hearts meet

I'm back to finish this story of love, crazy, and ultimately/most importantly, His Will and Protection!

If you haven't read the first two parts, go here for the first installment, here for the second, and now let's begin the third.

After I read the prayer again, again, and again, things started to pick up. Life started happening at full speed and nurses, anesthesiologists, assistants, et. al. started bustling around us.

One person in. One person out. Poke here. Poke there. Questions about this, questions about that. It all just kept swirling around us.

I tried to keep eye contact with my husband because his presence grounds me in a special way. He's my person. Internally, prayers were being whispered and aspirations were being shouted from the depths of my heart. Externally, I was looking to him. 

The anesthesiologist came in. Unfortunately, Mr. Big Needle was casually chit-chatting with one of the nurses about how he was so tired and had already had a long day and was ready to go home and, and, and...

He was making me nervous! It was already super late! By this time, I want to say it was around 12:30AM or so. Honestly, I was hoping his assistant was going to be the one to come and do the big needle deed because he seemed so much more alert, engaged with me during our interactions, and up-beat! Only, I wasn't so lucky.

Owie! Ow! OW!

Haha. Apparently I say owie now when I'm in pain. Anyways!

Mr. Big Needle: Sorry. Did that hurt? Let's see...tell me which side hurts most?

Right..Ow..right side! shooting pain..down my Leg! Ow! Leg!

Mr. BN: Okay. Let me try and adjust it. Tell me when it stops hurting..

Oww..still hurting..down the leg! Right. still! Leg, back! Ow!

Mr. BN: Okay. Just hang on. 

OW!

Mr. BN: How's that?

I'll spare you the rest. He did end up getting me numbed on both sides but as we would come to find out during the cesarean, he over-corrected which meant I was having a bit o' pain on my right side. Not cool, Mr. BN. Not cool.

After I was getting to fully numbed status, our God-send of an OBGYN entered with his bright, cheery, and (Thanks to the caffeine he had in his hand!) energetic self. He was excited and ready to deliver our sweet Dandelion. He was positive and encouraging and reminded us that we were soon going to meet our newest family member.

Off he went to tend to some things while my husband and I had a little time together. Trying my best to hold back tears, we talked and tried to ready ourselves for all that was about to happen.

The nurses came in, and off we went to the operating room. Music was playing, staff were moving, my husband was on his way...

Mother Mary, hold us in your prayers. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you. Mother Mary, bring my heart to your Son. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you.

Waiting in the operating room alone with staff is my least favorite part. Husband's aren't allowed to come in till you're all ready and prepped and I just hate that little bit of time that he's not there. So aspiration after aspiration it was till he entered and came to my side.

Mother Mary, hold us in your prayers. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you. Mother Mary, bring my heart to your Son. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you.

Finally, my husband was by my side. We looked at each other, me with tears in my eyes (You know the ones. The very same ones I had been trying to hold back since I first saw red.) and him gazing back at me with his masculine strength, confidence, and love that only a husband can share with his wife.

Dr. B: Let's get started, shall we!?

Deep breath.

Mother Mary, hold us in your prayers. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you. Mother Mary, bring my heart to your Son. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you.

Chatter was happening. Some tugging here. Some tugging there. Questions were asked by me. Answers were given by whichever staff I directed them to. My husband holding my hand, looking at me, and reassuring me that all was and would be well.

Then came time for Dr. B to bring our little one out from my womb. I had started struggling with pain due to the over-correction of Mr. BN, but thankfully, Mr. Assistant BN was striving for rockstar status throughout the surgery and was really trying to keep me awake (rather than knocking me out fully due to the pain) by keeping the meds flowing as quickly as he could.

Mother Mary, hold us in your prayers. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you. Mother Mary, bring my heart to your Son. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you.

Staying awake was something I desperately wanted but was struggling to do even had they not knocked me out medically. It was late. I was exhausted, but I didn't want to come all this way to be knocked out completely if all could be helped! We were moments from meeting our little one so I did my best to bear it because I wanted to see our baby. I wanted to hear his or her cry. I wanted to touch our sweet little one and hold him or her if at all possible. I wanted nearness. I didn't want to miss a thing.

My thoughts were focused and racing all at the same time.

Mother Mary, hold us in your prayers. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you. Mother Mary, bring my heart to your Son. St. Anne, pray for us. Jesus, I trust in you.

Soon. Soon. He or she was almost here. Almost.

Dr. B: You ready?

Us: Ready? 

Dr. B: To find out the gender!? To see your baby?

Us: YES!

Dr. B: Pull the curtains!

Wahhhhhhhhhhhh! Wa wa wahhhhh!

Cue my tears. He or she was breathing on his or her own. I hadn't even seen the little one yet, but at that moment all that mattered was that our little one was well enough to belt out the sweetest cry I had ever heard. His or her lungs were strong! 

Bleary eyed, I was looking through the clear plastic curtain trying to decipher whether our baby was a he or a she. Funny enough, so was my husband. We couldn't tell at first. 

I think we couldn't tell because we were just anticipating another boy. Till...

Dr. B: Well?

Taking a better look. Haha, at this point we were just taking too long to figure it all out!

GeekMan: It's a.. girl?

Dr. B: YES IT'S A GIRL! Look!

Cue crazy tears of joy, happiness, love, thankfulness and more.

Is she alright? Is she okay? Everything okay with her? and me?  are we okay???

Dr. B: Yes. She's perfect! and you're good.

And cue some more tears.

They brought her to me. She was the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen. She was perfect. She was healthy. She was amazing. So amazing at just 37 weeks. So strong and not even phased by the imperfection of my womb and the placement of my placenta. Un-phased by the potential danger that lingered over both of our hearts. Un-phased and ready to be held in her mama and daddy's love.

My husband and I were beside ourselves in love and in complete confusion at the fact that we had a baby girl. Our little Dandelion.

7 lb. 9 oz. and 20.5 inches of loveliness that only God could knit together.

The moments when the hearts' of Bigfoot and Linus meeting Moriah's is one of my absolute favorites.

Bigfoot adored her, and still does. From the moment he set eyes one her he had so much love for her. Meanwhile, Linus adored from afar for the first few weeks, then proudly went up to her one day out of the blue. He put his hand on her chest and told her that he was her big brother and that he loved her.

You can't make this beauty up, y'all! You just can't!

Grandparents came from afar to soak up her goodness and share their hearts and love too. It was beautiful and so very good.

Dandelion's Uncle and his fiance came (Shame on me for not grabbing a photo of them!) to meet her, hold her, and enjoy her. Her Uncle A and Aunt Bekah, came a few weeks later to meet our newest little heart and fell in absolute love.

So much love when hearts meet like this! So much love it's absolutely incredible and intoxicating in the most magical and wonderful of ways.

His Grace, Love, and Protection were overwhelming through all the beautiful vessels He shared with us throughout her birth. It's really amazing how everything worked out. My worries were squashed. My anxieties were replaced with peace in knowing that she was well. And our hearts met as they were intended to, thanks be to God.

Happiest of birthdays to you, precious Dandelion, and many more! Mama is so very very very thankful for your beautiful self. So very thankful for all that you are and ever will be!

May God bless and keep you always.

So there you have it, friends. A birth story for our Dandelion.

lent // ash wednesday

Over the last week, I've paused here and there to really try and think about what I'd be doing for Lent this year. But, let's be honest, few pauses really isn't much when you're trying to sincerely discern your Lenten offering! And now here we are - Ash Wednesday.

Here I am, just six weeks out from my, what feels like, forever healing cesarean. That, my friends, in and of itself is penance enough for me! 

With my first two cesareans I was feeling pretty well after about a month. This healing though just keeps lingering which has really been trying for me! I want to be all the things my kiddos and my husband want and need from me and I really just can't.

Of course God would have it this way! Turns out, He has plans for me this Lent that are not my own.

I find myself having to sit down more or rest more just so that I can ultimately do more for all the sweet hearts that are under our roof. I miss cooking and baking and celebrating the liturgical year with foods and crafts. I miss sitting comfy with the boys to read books from any given location of our home. I miss taking the boys outside. I miss faster movements and more strength. Gosh, I love being outside so very much and am going nuts not being able to enjoy the sunshine!

Do you see what I'm doing? Just like the good sinner that I am? I am just whining! I've been resisting every bit of this little path that God has sent me down with frowns, tears, and adult tantrums.

Which leads me to the word that I've been ruminating over lately:

Surrender

OYE! That one knocks me right between the eyes! Gosh! It is hard to surrender to the physical limits that your own body puts on you, much less the good and Holy Will that ultimately is also right. in. front. of. you!

Thankfully, we have this season. Thankfully, we're called to be faithful in the little and the big things and that we have a merciful Father that wants to walk with us and teach us and love us through it all!

Thank goodness because I've already been stinking at it!

But then I come across words like this from the saints and my little heart just flutters with all the good feels:

"God takes pleasure to see you take your little steps; and like a good father who holds his child by the hand, he will accommodate his steps to yours and will be content to go no faster than you. Why do you worry?"

-St. Francis de Sales

Little steps will continue to be taken because that's all I can manage right now. Meanwhile, I'll be really trying to hone in on my craziness because this sleepy mama has been getting all kinds of crazy lately. Sleep deprivation does not look pretty on me, but that is never an excuse to lose my cookies at my boys or my husband no matter how bad poopalooza was yesterday.

But then enter St. Francis de Sales again with his awesomeness:

"Never be hurried in anything. Do all things calmly and in a spirit of repose. Do not lose your inward peace, even if everything seems to be going wrong. What is anything in life compared to peace of soul?"

Never be hurried. Doing things calmly. Not losing my inward peace! All things that would help me love our little family and myself so much better from this place of healing, sleepiness, and just general sinfulness!

These two quotes will be on my heart, mind, and soul [on repeat] this Lenten season as well as the word, Surrender. Right now this simplicity is what I need, so says my Lord, and so I'm excited for the journey because he's never lead me astray so far!

Haha!

See what happened there? I surrendered to the little and slow path God has prepared for me and I actually just typed that I was e x c i t e d about the journey!

As I should be! As much as this Lent is about me learning to better know, love, and serve God, it's also about surrendering to the good and amazing truth that He already knows, loves, and serves me through all my ups and all my downs. This truth easily gets forgotten in my haziness. This truth is also just hard to wrap my heart around because it's just that good.

Now, since St. Francis de Sales crossed paths with me todayI have to mention how St. Therese crossed paths with me too. I got an email this morning about a book that the Little Flower carried with her everywhere. So, for Lent, I also decided to pick up The Imitation of Christ. I'm a fan of the Little Way and apparently this was her favorite spiritual read! Given that fun-fact, I'm excited to learn more about what made this sweet little saint, who has always been such a dear in my life, spiritually nourished!

So, slow and gentle healing, self-care, surrender, inner peace, intentional morning prayer, more surrender, daily readings, journaling/blogging for my me/downtime, some more surrender, and daily snippet from Imitation of Christ.

There you have it, loves, my little Lenten goals. And, because of time and life, and going to Mass as soon as we scarf our fish burgers, I'm not proof-reading this post! Eep! Instead, I'm pressing publish, and getting on with the beginning of my little journey. 

Know you all will be in my prayers this season! and Do let me know if there's anything specific I can pray for!

Also, read this. It's where I crossed paths with St. Francis de Sales. God Bless!

mommyhood // a birth story for dandelion - part two

Alright! I'm sitting in front of our computer, and just finished typing out part two. Sorry to report we have one more installment but I promise it will only be one more.

How do I know it will only be one more, you may be wondering? That's easy! Part three starts off after quite a bit of happening and my brain was so s l e e p y, which means I'm going to fly through the last part because my memory and brain were half awake and half asleep by this time!

For now, enjoy this part! And, if you missed the first click here!

Now onto the next part! Where was I?...

Ah, yes! The ill-trained front desk woman at labor and delivery who was taking her sweet sweet time while I was having contractions, having some bleeding, all while 37 weeks plus two days with placenta pre v i a.

No. Thank. You. Ill-trained front desk woman for making us wait! She first had us fill out a small sheet. Went to enter stuff in a computer while we w a i t e d what feels like an eternity.

Then she called us to another little spot in the office portion of labor and delivery and wanted some consents signed and papers signed and God knows my brain has no idea what else because scrambled, I tell you! My brain was in the messiest of messy scrambles because contractions, bleeding, previa.

Shaky hand signed all the lines and then we waited. Again.

With a smile, Someone will be here shortly to take you back.

Ah! Good! Night! When we first arrived and were asked to fill out a sheet so she could fill in all the things felt like f o r e v e r, then when we moved onto the next location where we signed and initialed all the things felt like tacking on an eternity more!Now I was supposed to wait even longer for whatever she meant by "shortly".

All the faces!

Thank goodness my husband was there to help keep me focused! I really don't even know what I would have done or not have done had he not been there.

Or rather, I do. Yes. Yes, I do. I would have entered crying my face off after having cried the whole drive there and upon arriving I would not have been able to get the words out of my mouth coherently enough to even get help because snot and tears and ugly cry.

Although, maybe that craziness would have been met with a more urgent response?...

I digress. That's neither here nor there. Back to what happened!

The magical door to triage suddenly OPENED! Lord knows my heart jumped to the moon and back that night when that door opened with a medical professional waiting on the other side of it!

Follow me! So, tell me, what are your symptoms. What brought you to triage?

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, I have placenta previa, I'm bleeding - this is my third bleed and it's the bright red kinddd, and I'm having contractions...consistently.

Insert my crazy concerned face that was desperately pleading that she not use the word wait throughout whatever her response to me was going to be.

Nurse: Oh my goodness! You have previa? She didn't mention that!

Commence faster walking.

Nurse: When did the bleeding start? Okay..Let's. Ya. Let's not go to triage, let's. um. yes. This room will be good. Okay. Who's your doctor? Let's get you hooked up to check those contractions. We're going to take care of you!

Sweet relief to have been met with the true need for urgency that I knew our situation needed!

I got my large self changed into all the nakey uncomfiness that is a hospital gown, was hooked up to the contraction/baby heart rate monitor, and heard a heartbeat.

Thank you, Lord!

Her heart was stable and strong. She was moving. My contractions were lasting one minute and happening every three minutes and my blood was drawn to see how much I had already lost. The on-call doctor was called (Oh, how I wish my obgyn was called to start!) and things were moving.

Meanwhile, life and some serious pregnancy exhaustion was catching up with me. It was already past 11 by this time which means about 30 minutes past my bedtime after a long day. My eyes were heavy, nurses were in and out, and we were trying to keep in touch with family and our friends who were watching our boys to make sure all was well (Not that it wouldn't be! Like I said, God-send! Our angel friend is a God-send who beautifully settled our boys to sleep on what could have been a pretty scary bedtime.).

So what's next?

Nurse: We're waiting to see how much blood you've lost. Your baby seems great which is really good. Your contractions aren't slowing down but they aren't getting worse, which is also good. 

Okay, so we wait and then what?

Nurse: Well, your either having that baby tonight or in the morning. I doubt you get to Tuesday since at this point there's no reason to wait especially if these symptoms continue. Let's wait for results and see what the on-call doctor says.

Intermittently, as staff came and went, tears of fear and worry and exhaustion filled my eyes. The unknown and unexpected does that to me, especially when it's so abrupt! Anxiety of the fact that we may be having our cesarean that night. Sad that we didn't have a boy name picked out yet. Sad we left the boys the way we did. I mean all the thoughts and all the emotions were just flooding me! So, I kept it together while staff was there and lost it a little every time they left us alone.

My husband, all the while, was trying to keep me positive in all the ways he could think of. I remember at one point, he was wanting to decide on a boy name. I just couldn't focus though. He kept throwing out names and I was like drowsy face drowsy face no no no tears drowsy face sorry no...oye! I can't do this right now! I can't...

A different nurse came in.

New Nurse: Your results came back and looks like you haven't lost too much blood. The doctor wants us to monitor you for another hour and if your bleeding slows/stays the same and the contractions slow a little, we'll send you home.

Whattttttttttttttttttttttttttt?????

Or at least that's what my face screamed and then I mouthed to my husband that I was not leaving this hospital. Send us home? Nope! That was not happening. Even if it meant sleeping in the lobby with my symptoms that obviously weren't much concern to Mrs. on-call doctor. Nope. Sorry! Not happening!

Has our obgyn been called? Can he be called? I just know that these symptoms that I'm here with were the ones he told me would bring about our little one or a potentially scary situation. I just don't see how I can go home after what happened tonight. It was a huge clot that I passed at home...and I'm contracting still which isn't good for the previa..

Words, words, and more words I don't really remember saying but I know I put more words together.

New Nurse: The on-call doctor has been in close touch. We'll just wait and see.

Not moments later our first nurse came in with a different plan.

Nurse: Looks like your going to have your baby tonight. Dr. B is on his way and has asked that we get you prepped to meet your baby. 

Whattttttttttttttttttttttttt????

Again, this is what my face said. That whole phlegmatic, internal, freak-out thing is real.

That was too quick of a shift for me to realize how thankful I was that my OBGYN had been called by one of the nurses despite us being monitored by the on-call doctor. I mean, really. I did not want that on-call doctor monitoring us much less potentially delivering our sweet one! I had been praying that some how our OBGYN would be contacted because I knew he would come. Thanks be to God, one of the nurses saw that the on-call doctor was being a little to laxed about it all and that Dr. B did need to be called. Also, I know our OBGYN really tries to deliver all his patients, so maybe he has a note asking to be called for cases like this? Who knows! All I know is that he was informed and I am forever grateful!

Anyways, I let the nurses chat it out before I started with my questions.

New Nurse: But I just talked to on-call doctor and she said to...blah blah blah

Nurse: Nope, just talked to Dr. B. He's on his way. He said she needs to be prepped and that he'll be here within the hour. He's going to deliver her baby as soon as he gets here if she's ready and prepped.

God-send nurse came in with that sudden shift of to-do's and shared she was done with her shift. She wished us well and I was sad to see her go. But, new nurse was nice enough, even though she freaked me out with on-call directives she was only the messenger. 

But good God, was I tired at this point! Now I had to try and fathom having surgery within an hour, meeting our newest family member right after that, and then life. Life with a newborn was going to start after that. God-willing.

Commence flooding my brain with all. the. thoughts. I mean a l l  the thoughts! as well as Jesus, I trust in You, Mother Mary, hold me in your prayers, and St. Anne, please pray for us, et. al. on repeat.

My husband and I had a few moments here and there to try and process what was happening. He had sent messages to our family letting them know what was happening. Meanwhile, he was trying to keep me upbeat, present, and awake!

Then, amidst all the processing and all the happening, I got a text from a new friend of mine. She has been through this ordeal twice, God bless her and her family! and she had reached out when she found out I was pregnant with previa. She texted me this prayer and I am forever grateful because it truly grounded me.

Prayer to Our Lady of La Leche during Pregnancy 

O Lord Jesus Christ, through the intercession of Your tender Mother, Our Lady of La Leche, who bore You close to her heart during those long months before Your birth, I place my baby and myself entirely in Your Hands. Free me, I beseech You, from useless and consuming worry. Accept the sacrifice of my aches and pains, which I unite to Your sufferings on the Cross. Above all, most merciful and loving Jesus, protect this child You have given to me from all harm, bestowing the health and vigor every baby needs. Implant in my heart and on my lips the words and prayers of Your Mother and mine, our Lovely Lady of La Leche. All this I ask that my child and I may live to praise forever Your Holy Name. Amen.

I read this. Not sure how many times but goodness I read this prayer and held it in my heart like you wouldn't believe. I tried to truly let go. I tried to let peace settle. To let excitement settle. Telling myself that today is our littlest one's birthday. Today is the day.

Today is the day I get to be a mama again by the grace and goodness of His Will and miracles. Today, we would find out if our baby is a he or a she. To look at each other. To hear each other. To know each other.

Today was going to be that day. I knew I needed to let go. So let go with all my might I did as best I could. Bravery, courage, peace, trust, joy, and surrender were all my mama heart's goals from those moments onward.

-------

Thanks for reading, friends, and sorry to leave you hanging once more! I'll be back soon to finish off this little birth story for our beautiful Dandelion soon.

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Click here to go onto the last installment!

mommyhood // a birth story for dandelion

Our sweet new baby came into the world starting with a moment that quickly led to phone calls that quickly led to the hospital which quickly led to her birth.

But, for memory purposes, and for the love of the little things we'll start this birth story at Mass.

It was a Sunday like many other before but different in so many ways. It was different because it was the Sunday before the cesarean of all the unknowns was to take place. Our morning went well enough. Tantrums were had but we made it through as always and onto evening Mass we went. 

Our cesarean was scheduled for Tuesday morning; 37 weeks plus four days. I was still slowly but surely coming to peace with this. I had many anxieties about this cesarean because of our placenta previa. Up to this point we had had two occasions of bleeding. The first occasion lasting one week and the second lasting a little over two weeks. We made it through those first two occasions, but our doctor mentioned that these bleeds normally come in three's and that the third one was the one to watch for. 

Having made it to Sunday, I thought we were home free. An early morning cesarean after a full nights rest followed by a full day of rest and healing from the surgery was starting to sound very appealing to me. Being that it was Sunday, I thought we were home free and had dodged that third bleed. Like I said, peace was starting to settle and all was going to be well.

We went to Mass and had a very nice time. The boys were behaved (Magical, I tell you! There really was some kind of Holy Spirit goodness happening!) the readings were heard, the homilies were reflected on, prayers were had, and He was received. Throughout Mass, I was having contractions but I thought they surely were the non-threatening type. I did end up sitting through most of Mass, and I'm sure I got many a side-eye from onlookers, wondering if I was going to have a baby right there and then, but I really was feeling fine. 

In fact, we asked friends of ours to dinner. It was the feast of St. John the Beloved who is our youngest Linus' patron saint. We love doing a little something special for the kiddos on those days. So dinner out it was and dinner out with friends was even more fun and special for our little guy.

Dinner was a delight. These friends have truly been a God-send throughout this pregnancy in so many ways. Little did they know they were going to continue to be God's helping hands to us in the hours to come.

After I stuffed my face with a grilled jalepeno burger with avocado and cheese + fries (Yes, you read that right...), we called it an evening and were on our way. While in the car, I told my husband how I had been having contractions during Mass and that I probably needed to rest once home. Rest I did and felt fine enough.

Fine enough to take this photo even and post it to social media. At the time, we had yet to decide on a boy name. It was seeming like an impossible task so I was throwing it out to the amazing communities that I'm blessed to be a part of.

And, for memories sake, the boys were name-hoping for CooPoo, Babbbbyyyy, Kuno, Jesussss!, Dragonhorse, toilet, and Kuzco (We recently watched Emperor's New Groove...). Like I said, we needed help for a boy name. Girl's name was set, boys name was in major trouble!

The photo was posted and off to the shower I went to monitor our crazy monkeys that turn into sea monsters every. single. night. come shower time. Only, when I arrived, I was hit with a contraction that stopped me. The kind that you have to stay still for and just feel out. I promise it came out of no where!

Immediately I felt a pinch of panic which was quickly followed by a gush. The kind of gush that I thought we wouldn't need to worry about. The one that I thought we were going to avoid seeing how we were just a day or so away from having our planned cesarean. The gush that my obgyn had mentioned as the one.

The gush happened and was quickly followed by a large clot. The kind of large that kicked my phlegmatic self into monotone/non-panic/everything is going to be just fine, mode.

Baaabbbbeeeee!

He knew. He knew in my voice that this was the kind of call you answer to with speed and presence. Into the bathroom he came, gave me one look, I said some words and discerning phone calls and next steps were quickly being processed. 

Our poor sweet boys were swept from their shower. I know my oldest could tell something was not right but I tried my best to comfort him. I really did. 

My husband was getting them dressed while I called our friend who we had just had dinner with. She knew and was at our door-front within 5 minutes. Literally.

I was too frantic inside my own mind to cry at her expediency and selflessness to just stop all that was going on in her late family evening to come tend to our kiddos so that we could high-tale it to the hospital. But, thanks be to God, she was there, and we were off.

All the way to the hospital I made my phone calls. Calling parents and siblings and another family friend to let them know that we needed their prayers and possibly their presence. I did a quick update on social media to plead for prayers and then we were there. At the hospital. Contractions, bleeding, and freaking out internally (because that's what I do).

We arrived at the hospital and quickly walked to the front desk of labor and delivery. We've done this twice before so I thought when I expressed all the red flag words the front desk person would have unlocked the doors and swept us into triage. After all, we were registered! annnnd we had a time-sensitive, potentially life-threatening situation going on. Instead we were met with,

Can you please write your name down? and other information?

Blank stares. Reiterated red flag words coupled with crazy face.

I know you seem in a rush and anxious to get back there but that's why I'm entering everything myself. So please, will you fill out this paperwork so we can get you registered? You'll be taken back soon...

My shaking hand rapidly took the pen and filled out the paper...Here! It's all there!

Thank you! I'll be right with you!

More blank stares, internal freaking out, and crazy faces.

All I know, is her idea of soon and my idea of soon were very very very very very verrrry different.

I continued to emphasize our need for urgency only, she kept gently nodding her head as if everything was under control.

Only, it was not, said I internally, over and over again.

-----

Honestly, I'm not one to leave people hanging but this birth story is getting lengthy so I'm going to leave you hanging. Thankfully, since I'm writing this, you all know all is well, but the moments that got to all being well were just nutty if you ask me.

Thanks be to God, He is bigger than nutty and crazy and even though I felt all was out of control, He knew that all was not. He had plans that were bigger than my heart could acknowledge in the heavy moments but in the lighter ones and with all my might you can believe I kept whispering every aspiration of prayer and trust known to my little heart throughout all the chaos and crazy. 

So, we're going to leave it here. At me freaking out internally at the incredulous front desk lady who had not a worry in the world and obviously was not familiar with placenta previa.

Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon with the rest of His plans for us on that late late birthday night!

UPDATE: Off you go to Part Two and then Part Three!