mommyhood // a birth story for dandelion - part two

Alright! I'm sitting in front of our computer, and just finished typing out part two. Sorry to report we have one more installment but I promise it will only be one more.

How do I know it will only be one more, you may be wondering? That's easy! Part three starts off after quite a bit of happening and my brain was so s l e e p y, which means I'm going to fly through the last part because my memory and brain were half awake and half asleep by this time!

For now, enjoy this part! And, if you missed the first click here!

Now onto the next part! Where was I?...

Ah, yes! The ill-trained front desk woman at labor and delivery who was taking her sweet sweet time while I was having contractions, having some bleeding, all while 37 weeks plus two days with placenta pre v i a.

No. Thank. You. Ill-trained front desk woman for making us wait! She first had us fill out a small sheet. Went to enter stuff in a computer while we w a i t e d what feels like an eternity.

Then she called us to another little spot in the office portion of labor and delivery and wanted some consents signed and papers signed and God knows my brain has no idea what else because scrambled, I tell you! My brain was in the messiest of messy scrambles because contractions, bleeding, previa.

Shaky hand signed all the lines and then we waited. Again.

With a smile, Someone will be here shortly to take you back.

Ah! Good! Night! When we first arrived and were asked to fill out a sheet so she could fill in all the things felt like f o r e v e r, then when we moved onto the next location where we signed and initialed all the things felt like tacking on an eternity more!Now I was supposed to wait even longer for whatever she meant by "shortly".

All the faces!

Thank goodness my husband was there to help keep me focused! I really don't even know what I would have done or not have done had he not been there.

Or rather, I do. Yes. Yes, I do. I would have entered crying my face off after having cried the whole drive there and upon arriving I would not have been able to get the words out of my mouth coherently enough to even get help because snot and tears and ugly cry.

Although, maybe that craziness would have been met with a more urgent response?...

I digress. That's neither here nor there. Back to what happened!

The magical door to triage suddenly OPENED! Lord knows my heart jumped to the moon and back that night when that door opened with a medical professional waiting on the other side of it!

Follow me! So, tell me, what are your symptoms. What brought you to triage?

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, I have placenta previa, I'm bleeding - this is my third bleed and it's the bright red kinddd, and I'm having contractions...consistently.

Insert my crazy concerned face that was desperately pleading that she not use the word wait throughout whatever her response to me was going to be.

Nurse: Oh my goodness! You have previa? She didn't mention that!

Commence faster walking.

Nurse: When did the bleeding start? Okay..Let's. Ya. Let's not go to triage, let's. um. yes. This room will be good. Okay. Who's your doctor? Let's get you hooked up to check those contractions. We're going to take care of you!

Sweet relief to have been met with the true need for urgency that I knew our situation needed!

I got my large self changed into all the nakey uncomfiness that is a hospital gown, was hooked up to the contraction/baby heart rate monitor, and heard a heartbeat.

Thank you, Lord!

Her heart was stable and strong. She was moving. My contractions were lasting one minute and happening every three minutes and my blood was drawn to see how much I had already lost. The on-call doctor was called (Oh, how I wish my obgyn was called to start!) and things were moving.

Meanwhile, life and some serious pregnancy exhaustion was catching up with me. It was already past 11 by this time which means about 30 minutes past my bedtime after a long day. My eyes were heavy, nurses were in and out, and we were trying to keep in touch with family and our friends who were watching our boys to make sure all was well (Not that it wouldn't be! Like I said, God-send! Our angel friend is a God-send who beautifully settled our boys to sleep on what could have been a pretty scary bedtime.).

So what's next?

Nurse: We're waiting to see how much blood you've lost. Your baby seems great which is really good. Your contractions aren't slowing down but they aren't getting worse, which is also good. 

Okay, so we wait and then what?

Nurse: Well, your either having that baby tonight or in the morning. I doubt you get to Tuesday since at this point there's no reason to wait especially if these symptoms continue. Let's wait for results and see what the on-call doctor says.

Intermittently, as staff came and went, tears of fear and worry and exhaustion filled my eyes. The unknown and unexpected does that to me, especially when it's so abrupt! Anxiety of the fact that we may be having our cesarean that night. Sad that we didn't have a boy name picked out yet. Sad we left the boys the way we did. I mean all the thoughts and all the emotions were just flooding me! So, I kept it together while staff was there and lost it a little every time they left us alone.

My husband, all the while, was trying to keep me positive in all the ways he could think of. I remember at one point, he was wanting to decide on a boy name. I just couldn't focus though. He kept throwing out names and I was like drowsy face drowsy face no no no tears drowsy face sorry no...oye! I can't do this right now! I can't...

A different nurse came in.

New Nurse: Your results came back and looks like you haven't lost too much blood. The doctor wants us to monitor you for another hour and if your bleeding slows/stays the same and the contractions slow a little, we'll send you home.

Whattttttttttttttttttttttttttt?????

Or at least that's what my face screamed and then I mouthed to my husband that I was not leaving this hospital. Send us home? Nope! That was not happening. Even if it meant sleeping in the lobby with my symptoms that obviously weren't much concern to Mrs. on-call doctor. Nope. Sorry! Not happening!

Has our obgyn been called? Can he be called? I just know that these symptoms that I'm here with were the ones he told me would bring about our little one or a potentially scary situation. I just don't see how I can go home after what happened tonight. It was a huge clot that I passed at home...and I'm contracting still which isn't good for the previa..

Words, words, and more words I don't really remember saying but I know I put more words together.

New Nurse: The on-call doctor has been in close touch. We'll just wait and see.

Not moments later our first nurse came in with a different plan.

Nurse: Looks like your going to have your baby tonight. Dr. B is on his way and has asked that we get you prepped to meet your baby. 

Whattttttttttttttttttttttttt????

Again, this is what my face said. That whole phlegmatic, internal, freak-out thing is real.

That was too quick of a shift for me to realize how thankful I was that my OBGYN had been called by one of the nurses despite us being monitored by the on-call doctor. I mean, really. I did not want that on-call doctor monitoring us much less potentially delivering our sweet one! I had been praying that some how our OBGYN would be contacted because I knew he would come. Thanks be to God, one of the nurses saw that the on-call doctor was being a little to laxed about it all and that Dr. B did need to be called. Also, I know our OBGYN really tries to deliver all his patients, so maybe he has a note asking to be called for cases like this? Who knows! All I know is that he was informed and I am forever grateful!

Anyways, I let the nurses chat it out before I started with my questions.

New Nurse: But I just talked to on-call doctor and she said to...blah blah blah

Nurse: Nope, just talked to Dr. B. He's on his way. He said she needs to be prepped and that he'll be here within the hour. He's going to deliver her baby as soon as he gets here if she's ready and prepped.

God-send nurse came in with that sudden shift of to-do's and shared she was done with her shift. She wished us well and I was sad to see her go. But, new nurse was nice enough, even though she freaked me out with on-call directives she was only the messenger. 

But good God, was I tired at this point! Now I had to try and fathom having surgery within an hour, meeting our newest family member right after that, and then life. Life with a newborn was going to start after that. God-willing.

Commence flooding my brain with all. the. thoughts. I mean a l l  the thoughts! as well as Jesus, I trust in You, Mother Mary, hold me in your prayers, and St. Anne, please pray for us, et. al. on repeat.

My husband and I had a few moments here and there to try and process what was happening. He had sent messages to our family letting them know what was happening. Meanwhile, he was trying to keep me upbeat, present, and awake!

Then, amidst all the processing and all the happening, I got a text from a new friend of mine. She has been through this ordeal twice, God bless her and her family! and she had reached out when she found out I was pregnant with previa. She texted me this prayer and I am forever grateful because it truly grounded me.

Prayer to Our Lady of La Leche during Pregnancy 

O Lord Jesus Christ, through the intercession of Your tender Mother, Our Lady of La Leche, who bore You close to her heart during those long months before Your birth, I place my baby and myself entirely in Your Hands. Free me, I beseech You, from useless and consuming worry. Accept the sacrifice of my aches and pains, which I unite to Your sufferings on the Cross. Above all, most merciful and loving Jesus, protect this child You have given to me from all harm, bestowing the health and vigor every baby needs. Implant in my heart and on my lips the words and prayers of Your Mother and mine, our Lovely Lady of La Leche. All this I ask that my child and I may live to praise forever Your Holy Name. Amen.

I read this. Not sure how many times but goodness I read this prayer and held it in my heart like you wouldn't believe. I tried to truly let go. I tried to let peace settle. To let excitement settle. Telling myself that today is our littlest one's birthday. Today is the day.

Today is the day I get to be a mama again by the grace and goodness of His Will and miracles. Today, we would find out if our baby is a he or a she. To look at each other. To hear each other. To know each other.

Today was going to be that day. I knew I needed to let go. So let go with all my might I did as best I could. Bravery, courage, peace, trust, joy, and surrender were all my mama heart's goals from those moments onward.

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Thanks for reading, friends, and sorry to leave you hanging once more! I'll be back soon to finish off this little birth story for our beautiful Dandelion soon.

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Click here to go onto the last installment!

mommyhood // phototrip down a precious bump-lane

"...at the origin of every human being there is not something haphazard or chance, but a loving plan of God." 

-Pope Benedict XVI

No one can prepare you for all the ways motherhood surprises you. No one can prepare you for how big the love you feel for your children at any given time of their life, from start to finish.

No one can prepare you.

This post was waiting in my draft section of Blogger for a while. We weren't prepared for the arrival of our newest family member, but we couldn't be more grateful for all the good and gift and blessing that has come with the unexpected.

Happy Due Date, Sweet P

Happiest due date, to our Sweet P. We love you and are so excited to see and hold you! To know if you are a boy or a girl! To call and know you by name! For you to meet your big brother and for your big brother to meet you! For you to meet us! To bring you home! To snuggle with you! To shower you with kisses and love! For you to meet your grandparents, uncles, aunts, and so many more who are anxious to know and meet you!

Sweetest one, we are ready when you are. We're praying. We have been praying. We love you dearly, and are so thankful for the gift of you.

For a stalk to grow or a flower to open there must be time that cannot be forced; nine months must go by for the birth of a human child; to write a book or compose music often years must be dedicated to patient research ...To find the mystery there must be patience, interior purification, silence, waiting....-Blessed John Paul II

St. John Bosco, pray for us.
St. Gianna Beretta Molla, pray for us.
St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us.
St. Gerard Majella, pray for us.
Blessed John Paul II, pray for us.
Dearest Holy Family, pray for us.

Happy Feast of St. Nicholas

A year ago today, I was ready and excited to celebrate this feast day. I wrote about it here and here. But, this year, we have yet to even begin decorating our home, much less our beautiful and bare Christmas tree that sits in the corner just waiting for us to adorn it.

This year, our little Bigfoot has been struggling with a cold that has been absolutely vicious. It has somewhat affected me and seems to be seeping into the world of my husband slowly but surely. I have not had time to think about putting up all the fun decor in our home because our son has not been well and has needed me. He's needed his mama to hold him, comfort him, reassure him, give him his meds, take him to the doctor, help him sleep as well as possible, endure this new whiny cry that decided to make it's appearance the moment this terrible runny nose and cough set in, be patient with him, and he's needed me to be there for all the other happenings that go along with a toddler who is just not feeling well.

Needless to say, I can't wait for our home to transform and become a visual representation of our preparation for the celebration of the birth of our Lord. Advent the time of preparation. The time that started this past week. A time to reflect, celebrate, pray, and to prepare the way for the coming of our precious Savior. All these things are good, but, this year our time started differently. Our time started with our Bigfoot catching a cold. I know there is good in this. GeekMan and I have been able to serve our child. Probably no where near as beautiful and wonderful as our lovely Mother Mary served the Christ-child, but with her prayers and His Grace, I hope we've done as well as we could for where we have been these past few weeks.

And so, Advent has started. Even though we aren't yet decorated within our home, I know our hearts are just so excited. We've talked about this wonderful time. We talked about our exciting plans to prepare ourselves, our family, and our home. Yet, as life would have it, we have been humbled and asked to prepare ourselves in a way that was a little deeper than our original thoughts. We've been asked to see beyond ourselves and serve. To love selflessly. To be present to the beautiful child that God has shared with us.

For now, we will continue to try and be as present to His Will for us in these days. It has been difficult and trying (especially the whole I'm 8 months pregnant and not getting any sleep part), but I'm grateful for a brief moment to reflect. And, thankfully, our Bigfoot is on the mend. We are finally seeing the light! Glimpses of our sweet ones joy and energy are slowly but surely resurfacing, which we could not be more grateful for. We just pray that he continues on this track (it is so hard to see your little one suffer!!!).

As much as I've been consumed in my son, I hope I'll be able to see that He is also calling me to see His Face. I pray that I can see that as a blessing. Decorating can always happen tomorrow. And there are so many wonderful feast days to celebrate this month!

G'night!

St. Gianna Beretta Molla, pray for us.
Holy Family, pray for us.
St. Nicholas, pray for us.

Early Days

My precious Sweet P,

We knew...we just knew that you were with us from the very beginning, which was such a gift and blessing. It just so happened that you were probably very newly conceived during our trip for Uncle A and Uncle Godfather's graduation back at the end of May. Your presence with us explained why Mama wasn't feeling well throughout the weekend. During the drive I would credit my nausea or fatigue to the windy roads and all that we were doing that weekend, but in the back of my mind I thought it may have been because of you.

The following weekend (a week after your conception), at the very start of your life, Daddy, Mama, and Big brother went down to the valley and made a quick stop in Corpus on our way back home during the weekend. A main reason we were making the trip south was because our friend was being ordained a priest and we did not want to miss such an amazing time in his life. Honestly, Sweet P, that weekend was filled with such gift because of our dear friend. His ordination was one of the most beautiful events we have witnessed to date filled with such amazing Grace and Goodness, and we were so happy to share it with you and Bigfoot.

After Fr. Andy's amazing ordination, he gave his first blessings. We all waited in line anxiously to be blessed by our friend, the newly ordained priest. As he was giving us our blessing, we mentioned to him that you were with us, and he included you in that beautiful experience. Sweet one you have been blessed in a special way, as have Daddy, Mama, and Seph, and for that we will always be grateful to Fr. Andy.

Words really cannot express the overwhelming beauty that we saw that weekend, but we are so grateful that our hearts were there to witness Our Lord's goodness, joy, and love through our dear friend. Fr. Andy was glowing. He was radiating a peace that made me shed tears of joy. I thank God for picking such an amazing servant. So grateful that we were able to be at the first Mass he presided over (again, no words can express the goodness and joy that flowed). And finally, I am so thankful to God for sharing Fr. Andy with our little family.

Dearest Sweet P, your early days were a gift. Thank you for joining us when you did. Thank you for sharing the signs that you did with Mama, so that she could know you were with us. And, thank you for being so sweet!

Love,
mama

PS Sweet one, I'll try to recap our pregnancy thus far on a week to week to do. I marked it all in our calendar, so I just need to sit down and get to it :)

~~~

"The priestly vocation is essentially a call to sanctity, in the form that derives from the Sacrament of Holy Orders.  Sanctity is intimacy with God; it is the imitation of Christ, poor, chaste and humble; it is unreserved love for souls and self-giving to their true good; it is love for the church which is holy and wants us to be holy, because such is the mission that Christ has entrusted to it.  Each one of you must be holy also in order to help your brothers pursue their vocation to sanctity." -Blessed John Paul ll (Rome, Italy, October 9, 1984)

20 weeks of our Sweet P

It's a...

Beautiful Baby Boy!!!!!  :D  Our sweet lil’ Bigfoot was born June 21st at 12:30 pm.  All 22 1/2 inches of him weighed in at a grand total of 9 lbs 6 oz!


Isn’t he gorgeous??! :D  Looks just like Daddy :)

Wow, so where to start this blog now that I’ve introduced our lil Bigfoot?? Well for one, even though I’ve sent out a ‘thank you’ to family and friends, I have to say THANK YOU again.  The support, amazing love, and constant prayers that were shared with our little family during our 51 hour trek of labor and delivery will never be forgotten. The prayers and love were constantly felt throughout every moment, which was such a gift for us! You all have no idea how much it meant and still means to us.  We are still so incredibly moved and so grateful for how God has shared this goodness with us through our parents (the new and wonderful grandparents), our siblings (two pretty awesome uncles), extended family/relatives, and our second family of friends.


Our Birth Story

As all of you know, I was praying and hoping for a natural/vaginal delivery.  And for the first two days and even on the third day I truly thought that it would come to fruition - given that I pushed for 3 hours while dilated at a 10. Bigfoot was positioned at a +2 - ready to meet his Mama and Daddy.  But, as it would happen, my bone structure and Bigfoot’s size were not friends. 

However, I was right about one thing!  Our lil’ Bigfoot must know the gift of the Mass. Sunday morning arrived and I started feeling slight contractions at 9:30 AM.  Not anything terrible at all so we decided to go to Mass figuring we needed to be nourished for the long-haul :)  We went to Mass and then during the Final Blessing, my water broke!  We felt excitement and a load of other emotions.  GeekMan ran to get the car in a frenzy while I waddled my way out of Church.  We called our obgyn and he instructed us to head to the hospital.  We went home, got all our needs together and hopped in the car to the hospital.

At this point there were so many thoughts and emotions circling us.  We couldn’t believe we would be meeting our little one within 24 hours (or so we thought lol)  Upon arrival to the hospital, we got all prepped and ready to go.  It was confirmed that there was amniotic fluid present and we were off to start our baby marathon.

All of Sunday and through the night we naturally were laboring and doing everything under the moon to induce and get consistent contraction to foster dilation.  Our 18th hour came early Monday morning and we ultimately opted for getting induced with pitocin in hopes to further dilate.  Hence, began our “medicated” birth, still hoping to avoid a c-section.  During this early morning time, because we had not slept or ate we requested to do so, which our Dr was wonderful about.  We then ate, slept, and then got ready for our next phase.

Pitocin started around 1pm and continued through the evening.  The contractions were consistent, getting harder, and we were doing our Bradley thang - coping and managing pain :)  Then came the shift change :P  The new nurse increased my pitocin by 6 units in a very short time frame.  My body was already responding well to the pitocin and dilating at the rate previously set, so this increase sent my body into straight hard labor contractions with no minute down times for about an hour and some.  The “and some” was when we were waiting for the anesthesiologist to bring me an epidural because the pain I was feeling was not normal and the contractions were not subsiding even after the nurse turned off the pitocin and tried to flush my body of it.  Fortunately, with your prayers we got through this time unharmed and lil’ Bigfoot remained the complete Champ that he is the ENTIRE time.

I think everyone on staff was always impressed with his constant strong heartbeat. He even had hiccups twice up to this point since labor started!

Well, after the epi-peppy kicked in they started the pitocin again and we were dilated at a 10 in no time. We were at a +2 by 7:30/8AM Tuesday morning.  We started pushing at 8:30 (as family and friends know :)) only to be interrupted at 9:30 because there was a truck on blazing fire outside my room! ..I kid you not… Code Red was announced and the next thing you know I was trying to push our lil’ Bigfoot out of me down the hospital hallways to my transition/more “safe” room.  Soon, drama quieted back down, we resumed pushing for another 2 hours only to find that our lil’ Bigfoot just was not going to fit.  We had been at the same place for most of the three hours and could not get him over my tailbone? I think it was because of his posterior positioning, but who knows.  After this, we were rushed to an emergency C-section.  Alot of this time turned into quite the blur, but dear Geekman managed to get a good deal of it on video.  I remember some, but admittedly, there are times I struggle to remember the sweet mama-moments because of the anesthetics given during the surgery.  All in all, surgery went as well as major surgery could go after so much laboring and for that we are incredibly grateful. Also, when the time came, GeekMan announced with tears in his eyes that our baby was indeed a baby boy! We were both crying as much as lil Bigfoot when we laid our eyes on our little miracle! Beautiful baby Bigfoot arrived at 12:30PM :)  Definitely, the best *gift* I’ve ever received in my life thus far!

Needless to say, things happened not as imagined but in the grand scheme of it all I know God’s Hand was always present keeping and protecting us.  Not only that, but God gave us this beautiful baby boy!  This pregnancy has been surrounded with such awesome prayer I know that all the beautiful lessons that God will have for us will continue to reveal themselves to us in the days to come.  We have already been overwhelmed with all the amazing doctors, nurses, and staff at the hospital.  They were all so incredible and kind.  Each one we met this past week truly has been a blessing.  The way they served us is beyond words.  Also, our family and friends have been our rock, and for that we will never be able to thank you enough. To be honest, each sentence in this one paragraph deserves a blog post in and of themselves, which I hope to do once I figure out how to manage baby time and my time a bit better :)

Since leaving the hospital, I have been on quite the little recovery journey, which is why I have been MIA. Not to mention learning the many ropes of mommyhood :) And apparently, the duration and stages that our labor and delivery took was equivalent to me delivering four babies. Eeps! My goodness, I am one stubborn woman! Anywho, since recovery was expected to be a bit challenging my mom and mother in law graciously offered to stay with me the following two weeks (a week each). Words cannot express my gratitude and gratefulness or any other emotion I feel towards having my mom as well as my mother in law here those two weeks. (I also hope to dedicate a blog post to these experiences because those two weeks really meant so much to me)  They both helped me figure out life with our lil’ Bigfoot as well as how to cope/manage recovery from labor and surgery :D  So, for now, another huge thank you to both of them for being so willing to come be by my side. And, a ginormous Thank YOU to my dad and father in law for the sacrifice they imparted by being willing to share their amazing wives with our family.
Yay!  Our lil’ growing family :D GeekMan and I are entirely grateful and pray that we have the Grace to be open to all that God still has planned in these upcoming weeks of recovery meanwhile adjusting to mommy and daddyhood.  :D  If anything, God really has already blessed him and I.  He has given us so many amazing opportunities to grow together as well as grow with Him in such a short time.  I feel I/we still need more time to digest it all :)

Few souls understand what God would accomplish in them if they were to abandon themselves unreservedly to Him and if they were to allow His grace to mold them accordingly. — St. Ignatius Loyola

Pray that we, as a family, will have the grace to embrace our vocations unreservedly so that He may mold us into all that we are called to be, each moment of every day.