{#write31days - day 6} gifts of summer - part 1

Taking trips with littles can be tough stuff. Even still, you'll never hear me regret a travel that we took to meet with the gift of family.

God has shared some pretty beautiful people with our little family and any moments we get to steal with them is always such a blessing.

Admittedly, I was pretty exhausted on this trip. Dandelion has had a tough go with cutting teeth, a go that started around this time over the summer. 

And once we got home, it was go time even still. We jumped straight into homeschooling, a last minute trip for a death of a loved one, more teething, more homeschooling, and life.

Being able to look back on all the gifts we had in so many little moments over the summer has shared a peace and goodness with my heart today. Thankfully, I caught some moments with our camera and, in turn, have some pretty strong evidence of His Goodness in our life!

For some reason, I was meant to be in a sleepy stupor during most of this trip. Either way, I'm thankful that I was still able to have a time filled with blessing from all around. Our family helped me when they could by letting me sleep in or steal an afternoon nap, taking the fussy baby if she had been with me for any length, tending to the older two and making sure they were having a beautiful time filled with laughter and fun, asking how I was, sharing amazing food, making sure I had a margarita in hand after putting the baby down for the night, and even changing some stinky diapers for me.

Through this and so much more, I was carried.

"You are seeking the secret of belonging to God, dear souls? There is no other than to make use of everything which God gives you. Everything leads to union with God, everything perfects you, except sin and what is outside your duty; all you have to do is to accept everything and let God act. Everything directs you, keeps you straight and carries you along."

-Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, S.J., Self Abandonment to Divine Providence

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{#write31days - day 5} what are we waiting for?

"Come then, beloved souls, let us run, let us fly to this ocean of love that calls us.

What are we waiting for?"

-Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence

There was a hay-maze at the pumpkin farm we visited this past weekend. I love how the boys eyed it down and then quickly got to work with such abandon.

 Casually they walked through. Spy those hands in pockets? Side by side they adventured.

Our fearless leader took charge without hesitation. He continued to lead us through and any time he met a dead-end, he just turned around and kept going. Wonderfully, his trusty side-kick of a brother encouraged and cheered him all the way through.

Finally, the end was in site. The path had been made known and seeing how excited these two were to complete the giant maze was full of gift.

See that side-tilt-yah-I-just-did-that-I'm-so-awesome face below?

 Front view with hands still in pocket.

They went through the maze with such confidence, seeking fervently for the end. I loved their sense of adventure. They didn't wait around at the entrance to begin, to move forward. They entered and kept their eyes onward.

Similarly, when facing the Will of God, I wish I could enter into it with such surrender and trust! Nothing else in the moment but what's in front of me...always moving forward while keeping an inner peace of confidence in knowing an ocean of love awaits me every single time.

Instead of hesitation, confidence.

Instead of fear, courage.

Instead of anxiety, peace.

Instead of constant attempts at control, complete surrender and abandon.

What are we waiting for? Love awaits!

#write31days

{#write31days - day 4} captured gifts

Over the weekend, we were blessed with family time.

For me, family time is always a good time. Time spent sharing love and joy. I see it in my kids; how they light up at every chance to see an uncle, a grandparent, an aunt, etc. They just L I G H T up!

It's a beautiful thing.

Funny enough though, as much as I love family time, I love celebrating the saints any chance I remember to/have the energy to/or have the mind to! There was a temptation over the weekend to get distracted in wanting to do something special or in particular for the Feast of the Archangels or the Feast of St. Therese, but that wasn't where His Will was for me or us, and that was good!

"The present moment is always the ambassador who declares the order of God."

-Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, S.J., Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence

Love that wisdom! So simple, and yet, so profound!

As always, His Will and goodness were so much better than whatever little to-do I would have come up with because we were with the gifts we have in grandparents. Also, I know that in celebrating our time together as family these same saints and angels were celebrating our love along with us! And that my friends is so very beautiful.

Our present moments over the weekend were filled with so much goodness. One of the reasons I really do love taking photos is because it takes a snapshot of tiny gifts we have in those little moments, even the staged ones!

So for today I'll be sharing glimpses of His Love that we were blessed to experience over the weekend - moments captured by my good ole' camera.

As these photos were uploading, I was struck with how, in so many little ways, we did do things to celebrate these wonderful saints!

For starters, we loved on quite a few animals while at the pumpkin farm (Shout out to St. Francis of Assisi - Oct. 4). We were able to enjoy lots of little things such as all the hugs, kisses, snow cones, game night, snuggles, a new pair of shades, date night, and I even had time to finish the sweetest little crochet flower bonnet for Dandelion (Shout out to St. Therese of Lisuiex - Oct. 1). The boys went out and played battle, fully equipped with swords and shields (Shout out the St. Michael the Archangel - Sept. 29). And finally, the boys also did some major soaring on the swings out back (Shout out to the Feast of Our Guardian Angels - Oct. 2)! OH, and to round out such a fun and blessed weekend I think today is a great day to make that Michaelmas dessert I keep putting off!

Love how these little means of celebration were twined throughout our very good weekend with family!

Unexpected gifts in my present all throughout the weekend! Thankful for the time to sit with those moments captured by camera so I could see a little better how God was working His Love.

What unexpected gifts have you captured lately?

If your interested in more present moment reflections click on the icon above.

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{#write31days - day 3} when we lean in to our path

Over the  years, there have been times of pain, tears, and confusion. I've asked why? and I've sat without answers. I've read book upon book, blog post upon blog post, and researched saint upon saint.

All this to try and make sense of my present. All this to try and make sense of His Will for me.

I have had moments of clarity, some more fleeting than others. The gift of the present moment is where I found those moments of clarity that were able to further make known the path that is always continuing to reveal His Will, Purpose, and Divine Nature to my little soul.

Thinking back to the moments of pain, when I was actually sitting in the disappointment and physical agony with a heart that saw nothing but the present filled with turmoil, I was able to see a God who serves and is ever present under any and all disguises.

By His Grace, and His Grace alone, in my darkest of times I have been able to see His Face through His faithful servants and my world around me. Moments of love revealed to me only through those painful moments that now amount to mere brief periods of my life.

Some of these painful times have left their mark and continue to remind me through an ache here or an ache there that that time is no longer and that the full weight of those trying times truly have passed. They have passed but they have also left little nuggets, little reminders of what was. This is good! I don't want to forget. I want to remember the times that I was blessed to be held by my Father because who knows what is to come!

But getting back to the gift of the present moment, there is nothing more truly humbling than feeling like your Savior is kneeling before you as He washes your feet through those who love you and know you in your time of trouble.

"At every occurrence we should say: Dominus est. It is the Lord; and in all circumstances we should find a gift from God..." 

-Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, S.J. Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence

A family brought you a meal. Dominus est.

Someone offered to watch your kids so you could rest or sleep. Dominus est.

Family came for a visit to share joy and love. Dominus est.

You're at the hospital facing who knows how many unknowns surrounded by the faces of your nurses and doctors that are filled with kindness and gentleness. Dominus est.

Your son gave you a flower because he saw your sadness. Dominus est.

Your husband got up with your teething baby so you could catch a few hours of sleep. Dominus est.

A stranger smiled at you as you passed by. Dominus est.

Your neighbor brought you some bread and wine. Dominus est.

You just had your third cesarean and your friends text you, check up on you, visit you, and more. Dominus est.

Your dad calls you to see how your day is going. Dominus est.

Your loved one greets you with a loving embrace. It is the Lord.

As many different scenarios I can list to share moments where He can be found, but gee whiz! how hard it truly is to still our souls enough to see Him!

I have had times of physical pain, all with their own troubles, and through each I have never felt so held, so loved, and so known. It may have taken some time to get to the point where I could honestly rest in my present but that's okay. He was still there waiting. I have had emotional pain and never have I felt so cared for, too. Through the moments of reprieve, the moments of friendship, the moments of breathing and stillness, and even in the moments of angst and struggle, there was gift. Through heartaches, sickness, sadness, pain, exhaustion and more, He is there just waiting to serve, to love, and to reveal Himself through His Mystical Body and through His beautiful and constant world of order and Truth.

When we lean in to our path and try to abandon ourselves to where we are, with the help of grace and the gift of the present moment, let us strive to see His Face. I guarantee you, no matter where you are or what is going on, Dominus est.

How has He revealed Himself to you lately? Have you been more instrument, busy being His hands and feet? or, Have you been held by His good and faithful servants? Either way, how have you been able to find Him in your present?

(For more reflections on the gift of the present moment, click on the icon above.)

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Weekly Writing in October // Revolution of Love

{#write31days - day 2} during the course of the day

I'm not a morning person. I struggle. I'm tired. I'm a sleepy person who wants more sleep. I love comfort; hence my bed and my blankets all wrapped around me while I'm dressed in my most cozy sleepy clothes are where it's at!

Waking in the morning to be present to my husband, my little ones, much less my Lord and Savior, is something that I have to really struggle through on the daily.

Some have told me that after having children they became morning people. This has yet to be true in my case. In fact, I think I may have regressed in the department of mornings. There have been a few things that I have tried over the years and non have stuck probably due to my uber phlegmatic heart.

Writing this out, there is a temptation to get discouraged. I know I am called to know, love, and serve my Lord with every breath that I take from sun up to sun down, but I also know that He knows me and that He loves me where I am - sleepy eyed mixed with some grouchy and a cold cup of coffee because that's just my life. Well, that plus all the desperate aspirations whispered here and there.

He has met me over the course of these same sleepy years in many different ways, but none more than the gift of the present moment.

"During the course of the day, try to keep yourself united to God either by frequent aspirations and raising of the mind towards him, or by the simple gaze of pure faith, or, still better, by a certain repose of the depth of your soul and of all your being in accompanied by a complete disengagement from all exterior objects of this world. It belongs to God himself to show you which of these three methods you should adopt to unite yourself with him by the movement, the attraction and the facility which he will give you; for this union with God depends on the various states of prayer to which grace raises souls. Each of these states has its particular attraction; one must recognize one's disquiet or excitement, always gently sweetly, and peacefully, as St. Francis de Sales says."

-Fr. Jean Pierre de Caussade, S.J., Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence

After I read this passage, I thought, I can do aspirations! Aspirations and even simple gazes (thanks to images and icons around our home) are what my soul moves towards throughout the day any time I can settle into the gift of my present moment, no matter what that moment may be. I may not presently have a solemn quiet prayer time that looks like beautiful holiness (not saying that I shouldn't still strive for this goodness, it's just harder for me right now) but I can whisper, "Come Holy Spirit.", "My Lord and My God.", gaze here, gaze there, "God I need you.", "Lord, hear my heart.", "Jesus, hold me!" from sun up to sun down.

That whole paragraph is tremendously encouraging! I love how it acknowledges that God himself will show which of these methods we are each to adopt, too. Everything is gift, everything is grace, everything is the Lord, thanks be to God!

So whether my spiritual maturity moves its way into finding a quiet space to share my soul with my Savior or if I have one hand on my cold cup of coffee, one hand on trying to encourage my littles into a rhythm for the day that is good and serving, and my heart focused on trying for moments of conversation with the One who made me, as St. Julian of Norwich once said, "All shall be well, all shall be well, and all manners of things shall be well."

#write31days

{#write31days - day 1} the gift of the present moment

The fan is on and sharing its soft whirrrr sound, the afternoon light is coming in from the sliding door near me, and all that is quietly swaying still finds a way of encouraging a beautiful stillness in a room that is presently surrounded by the hustle and bustle of our little family life. Computer is open, my breathing is rhythmic, and the noise of my fingers tapping on my keyboard comes and goes with the flow, or lack there of, of the words my heart manages to string together. This is my present and this is where I am starting this little series of mine.

See, there's this October challenge that comes along every year that, for the last three years or so, I have watched pass me by. For some reason, this year I'm not letting it pass. I'm taking a huge jump into the puddle that was made for me - the puddle over yonder just begging for me to create the biggest splash I ever did see. This challenge was started by a home blogger named Myquillyn Smith from The Nester and now is hosted by Crystal Stine. The challenge is to pick one topic that you decide to hone in on for the span of the month of October.

The challenge is great and something I'm excited about because I have not been writing in this space of mine for quite some time. I've felt these little heart tugs to just come and sit and type, but have yet to find my writing pulse that lets it all flow. With this little project, and lots of prayer and grace, I'm hoping to maybe jumpstart that little part of me.

Maybe it'll work or maybe I'm just meant to try, either way, I'm here.

Often times, I'll share a quote. Often times, I'll share a photo. Often times, I'll share tidbits from my little life where I had the grace and gift to see His Face.

My quotes will come from the book, Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence by Fr. Jean Pierre de Caussade, S.J., and my photos and stories will come from my life because that is where my gifts lie.

My topic is the gift of the present moment. This goodness is something that has blessed me time and time again. It has blessed me in my suffering and it has blessed me in my joy. It has blessed me in my anxiety and it has blessed me in my peace. In all these areas and more, this gift has blessed me abundantly and I want to hone in on that more. I want to share the words that inspire me to be present and I want to share how He is always being made known where we are if we settle in just a little bit more with our eyes, heart, mind, and soul wide-open.

So here goes nothing!

"There is no moment at which God does not present himself under the guise of some suffering, some consolation or some duty...

Could we pierce the veil and were we vigilant and attentive, God would reveal himself continuously to us and we should rejoice in his action in everything that happens to us. At every occurrence we should say: Dominus est. It is the Lord; and in all circumstance we should find a gift from God."

-Fr. J.P. de Caussade, S.J., Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence

Thank you for any and all encouragement, prayers, kind words, and presence! I'll be sure to update this page with any and all new posts that I am able to get to so that everything can easily be found in one place. Other than that, please hop on over to the #write31days link-up to see what others are sharing too!

the side of love // what i'm capable of

While mustering the good will, strength, and decisions filled with grace to share cheerfulness in our home doesn't always come easily to the sinner that I am; there are moments. Thanks be to God, there are moments!

Little by little each moment builds upon the last, each being filled with grace by the One who loved each of us first. My imperfect self, the instrument that is found in our home and family, wants to see amazing love all around my family and I in every moment. Realistic? Not so much. Truly though, I just want to see our children being loved as their Father in Heaven loves them! I want this for them all day/everyday - BUT, this instrument also does not want any troubles or hiccups, ever.

Truth is, days filled with perfection just can't be. Or, at least, not in this life. I pray for the grace that the hearts of those around me are still being filled despite me, because that's what I desire. I want the hearts around me to be held by all the little moments filled with grace, His Grace!

Moments of grace can be hard to see sometimes, but I know we all experience them. Those fleeting times filled with snuggles, dancing, smiles, embraces, chatter, play, flirting eyes, hugs, sweetness, serving, conversations that keep us close, and more. When I take the time to see the grace, despite my chaos, life feels more manageable.

Here in my present, moments are what I'm capable of. The present moment is where I am and; therefore, where I'm called to love. Whether I am ruining a moment by my own grievous fault or filling it with beauty, love, goodness, and truth, it's these moments that shape me, my family, and in a very teeny tiny way, the world around me.

Thankfully, He is found in my present moment loving little me and those around me DESPITE my failings. Thankfully, there is grace that abounds. Thankfully, I and all I meet were created by a God who loves them more than we'll ever fully know. Thankfully, He works through ALL things. Thankfully!

When I think of being and doing all the things, my heart feels so overwhelmed and burdened into a stillness that feels like paralysis and short breathes but when I am able to bring myself to my present, that's where I can find Him holding me and nudging me along my little way. 

His nudges are good and sweet and constant - just what I need during my highs and most especially, during my lows.

Are you familiar with the lows? The ones where you can't get outside yourself. The ones where you burrow into self, self, and more self. The ones where you lose sight of what it's all about amidst joy and amidst suffering. The ones where you can't see that there is something greater happening for the sake of His Glory and Goodness. Moments just seem to slip away and you're left wondering where they all went.

I know I do. In fact, I'm v e r y familiar with this place. 

BUT, I find joy and peace in knowing that whether I acknowledge that there is something greater happening or not, whether I live in that Truth or not, He truly is being made known. 

He is always being made known.

Christ didn't just share the joy and glory and goodness of His amazing Resurrection with us so that we could always live in that exhilarating moment. He lived His journey first. The one filled with moments. The journey filled with family, friends, growth, joy, sorrow, parables, fear, sadness, goodness, and hope. The journey of Love made known in all things was His first. Thanks be to God.

"On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.”

When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord."

-John 20:19-20

That day He met his disciples in their fear. He met them in their moment and brought them so much joy and peace. Meeting them there was important to Him. How beautiful and encouraging is that?! He went to them, made Himself known, and loved them.

That day so long ago, His disciples needed their hearts to be awakened just as much as we need ours to be awakened today. We need our souls to be awakened not only to the Truth of His Victory so that we may rejoice but also to the Truth of every single one of His moments that amounted to a journey that revealed to us all that is true, good, and beautiful.

Moments matter. They mattered then when He journeyed to the Cross, and they matter now as we are seeking Him amidst our daily grind, thanks be to God!

the side of love // on silence and mothering

There was a time, while I lived in DC, that religious life was on my mind and heart. It was a small whisper that I know I wanted but a whisper that Our Lord would ultimately turn to silence, obviously. Nonetheless, it was a thought that I was actively exploring in my heart and through my prayers.

Our Sweet Lord appeased me, funny enough, by sharing this teeny tiny whisper with a friend of mine who encouraged me to join her on venturing out to see the Missionaries of Charity. Anxiously, timidly, and excitedly I went.

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe a rush of understanding that this was the place He was calling me to? Maybe a feeling of home? Maybe overwhelming peace?

While I did feel many of these things, I didn't feel them the way I thought I would and had prayed I would. Though, because the Lord is good and all-knowing and uses all to His good and Holy Will, this experience was exactly what I needed and has bore much fruit not only in my single life but also in my present vocation as wife and mother.

--

For a little background, my friend and I visited with the sisters, saw their life and how they cared for the least of these. A kind sister, the sweetest and gentle of souls, guided and shared with us to her hearts content. This sister spent a number of years in the presence of the very saint that was canonized today - St. Teresa of Calcutta. I remember thinking how amazing it was that she got to spend so much time in the presence of a woman who was surely going to be canonized some day! Sister delightedly relayed bits and pieces of that life and my soul just quietly took it all in.

As we were leaving, Sister kindly gave a few odds and ends for us to take home with us. One small and simple thing she gifted me was a card that had two prayers on it; two prayers that I have kept close to my heart more than I ever thought I would in the years to come.

Being the introvert that I am, silence is a very desirable and good thing for my heart and my peace. For me, when I first read this prayer, silence was the romance that was spoken throughout my visits with Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. I truly romanticized any and all moments of silence. Christ was there in my present, loving me. The quietness that soothed my soul was time well spent but did not get me out of my comfort, but rather, nourished the very core of me.

"The fruit of SILENCE is Prayer.The Fruit of PRAYER is Faith.The fruit of FAITH is Love.The fruit of LOVE is Service.The fruit of SERVICE is Peace."

-St. Teresa of Calcutta

In contrast, there's St. Teresa of Calcutta, a woman's who's silence was something similar to mine but also very different. It was not only had during times spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament where her soul was nourished by His True Presence but one that also poured forth into her ministry to bless others with a beautiful and good love. Her SILENCE stretched all the way out into PEACE. Her soul did not stop at faith or love but moved out into SERVICE and finally a PEACE that surpasses all understanding. The very peace that stirred the souls around her - mine included.

I needed that awareness then as I do now, every day. The fruit of silence is not only had in front of Christ in an Adoration Chapel. No. It is and should also be had from deep within me as I encounter Christ in the least of these in my home, in my family, in my friendships, in strangers, in chores, in work, and in all I do. Silence starts from within if we let Him settle into the little nooks of our soul in hopes that prayer, faith, love, service, and peace will pour fourth into the gifts that they are, not only for ourselves, but for others too.

The other prayer that I wanted to share is what is on the backside of the Fruit of Silence prayer. This prayer took my heart by storm but not until I became a mother.

"Mary, Mother of Jesus, Be a Mother to me now."

-St. Teresa of Calcutta

While in graduate school, my now husband and I came back into each others' lives to journey towards the vocation which God had called us to, marriage. Little did I know how much the backside of this prayer card would meet me in my darkest of nights.

You see, today I am not only called wife, but I am also called mama by three little souls. No name has ever been so challenging and humbling. Never have I felt the weight of another's soul more than since becoming a mama. This truth only God knew that my little soul would need while on my journey Home.

Truth be told, nothing could have prepared me for what motherhood has entailed. It has broken me and built me only to break and rebuild me again and again. It has brought me to my knees in ways I never knew possible.

10:00 PM (cue crying newborn) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

11:00 PM (Cue crying baby) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

1:00 AM (Cue wailing infant) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

3:00 AM (Cue scared and crying toddler) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

5:00 AM (Cue a child who has had a bad dream) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

7:00 AM (Cue children, ready to start their day) Mary, Mother of Jesus, be a mother to me now.

On REPEAT.

When I say, darkest of nights, this is what I refer to. It's darker than dark in the middle of night, especially if it's your third, fourth, fifth, etc night of very little sleep. It's even darker when you know there is a beautiful soul calling you mama, tugging on your heart by simply asking for love, while all you can think of is needing/wanting more s l e e p now.

Never have I ever needed a mother more than while trying to mother my own children in the middle of the night on little to no sleep or during the day following said night. Never have I needed Our Lady to bring the prayers of my heart to Our Lord than while trying to love these precious gifts He shared with my husband and I. Broken and tired, I would get up, respond, tend, and try to love but not without pleading to be mothered myself first. 

Today's newly canonized saint knew what it was to give of herself through the night until she felt like she could give no more. She knew and her heart formed these words together into what has been a balm and strength and comfort to my own mothering heart during my dark nights of trying to love those nearest to me. I felt held and loved by the powerful praying words of Our Lady as I tried to hold and love a snuggled up child given to us by her Son.

The beauty of Mother Teresa's heart and how she has shared it with the world truly are an everlasting blessing to all of us that are still soldiering on. I know her words will continue to form and encourage my own walk on this earth, which is exciting and truly gift - a gift that landed in my life in the form of a small and simple prayer card so very long ago.

--

Deo Gratias, for today's beautiful and newly canonized saint! Deo Gratias, for the goodness, truth, and beauty she has shared with the world! and, Deo Gratias, for all the ways her obedient and good soul has shared strength, perspective, and love to my own little soul that is still journeying on.

St. Teresa of Calcutta, ora pro nobis.