Sunday, December 27, 2015

the saints // St. John the Beloved

My heart grew for the saints while I was in college. I was soaking up as much as I could about this faith that I was raised in. I loved it! Reading, reading, and reading some more as well as joining Catholic groups and ministries through our vibrant parish.

During my freshman year, I joined the on-campus bible study. It was such a gift! We were reading the gospel of John and I fell in love. Not only did I fall in love with his quiet but beautiful spirit and stunning way with words and storytelling, but I fell in love even more with my Savior through the eyes of His Beloved Apostle.

Because of St. John's beautiful fidelity and love for Our Lord, my heart stirred. He pointed to Christ in such a way I could feel the warmth and love my Savior had for me in a new way. It was all kinds of fantastic and romantic!

* * * * *

Fast-forward to bambino numero dos. The husband and I were chatting names the entire pregnancy! Names, names, names! We wait to find out the gender so we had to party in the name department for boys and girls which can be a bit of work.
Work aside, our little guy was due early February. I had many prayer intentions during that time and found that St. John Bosco's novena ended just a few days before our little guy's due date. At that time, all I was thinking about was St. John Bosco. He was the saint I was wanting. He was the one who was sharing my prayers with my Lord in a special way. To be honest, St. John the Beloved wasn't even on my radar!

Even up to the due date I was sure St. John Bosco would be our newest patron saint! If he was a boy - which, Linus was! See, we already had a girl name first go-around so there were no decisions to be made there. Enter my husband on the day of Linus' birth, and he shared he felt St. John the Beloved was the saint that would follow our little Linus all the days of his life, in prayer and intercession. He was met with some resistance, but I eventually met him there and am so thankful I did!

See, my love for this apostle had been piled over by years and years of discovering saint after saint after saint! My husband bringing us back to this wonderful saint was such a gift and there have been so many fruits that have been visible since too! Fruits of friendship within our family and around, growth in loyalty and love, the beautiful brotherhood my boys are constantly growing in, and so many more!

When I asked my husband, why St. John the Beloved, he said, similarly to St. Joseph (patron of our oldest) he was close to Our Lord during His time here on earth - always there, always present, always faithful, always loyal.
Done and done! What more could we pray for our sweet Linus, and for our whole little family? Stay near Him! Follow Him always, through thick and thin! Let yourself be consumed by the Love of your Savior and try to walk in this same beautiful Way!

I still heart St. John Bosco a ton, but I'm thankful for the years of intercession St. John the Beloved has shared with me in my younger years as well as now in our little family.
St. John, son of Zebedee and Salome, thunder brother of the apostle James; who was there in Christ's first year of ministry, who witnessed the raising of the Daughter of Jairus, the Transfiguration, the Agony in Gethsemane, who helped prepare and was present at the Last Supper, stood at the foot of the Cross and never abandoned our Lord during the Hour of the Passion; who Jesus entrusted Our Lady to, who was the first to reach the Tomb and the first to recognize the Risen Christ at the Lake of Tiberias; who helped Peter found His Church, and lived his days faithfully for Him who is Love, pray for us.

Hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into why we chose St. John the Apostle to be the patron Saint of one of our sons! 

(This post was originally shared with Gina over at Someday Saints.)

Also, to learn more about St. John the Apostle's history and patronage list, visit here and here. He covers so many areas! Some of my favorites are him being the patron saint of friendship, writers, and painters (my Linus has such a knack for the arts and I don't think this is a coincidence!).

Friday, December 25, 2015

liturgical living // shout for joy

How beautiful upon the mountains
are the feet of him who brings glad tidings,
announcing peace, bearing good news,
announcing salvation, and saying to Zion,
“Your God is King!” 
Hark! Your sentinels raise a cry,
together they shout for joy,
for they see directly, before their eyes,
the LORD restoring Zion.
-Isaiah 52: 7-8

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I just wanted to stop in real quick and wish you all a wonderful Christmas Day and an even more blessed and beautiful continued 12 days of Christmas celebrations! 

I also wanted to thank each and everyone of you who have ever stopped by our little space on the web! For all who ever read my mommy rambles and life-shares, left comments, built friendships and community, shared themselves, prayed for me and our family, let me pray for you and yours, joined in fun email exchanges, and so much more, thank you, thank you, Thank YOU! There's so much good I've experienced here and I could not be more grateful for every experience! Truly, you've been such a gift to me and in turn, our little family!

Praying for God's Goodness, Love, Joy, and Peace be with you and yours this season and all throughout the year!

Break out together in song,
O ruins of Jerusalem!
For the LORD has comforted his people,
has redeemed Jerusalem. 
-Isaiah 52: 9

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

the side of love // beautiful love

When I was 12 years young, I began a journey that would be one of the biggest gifts I would ever receive. I attended a Youth 2000 Retreat a few months after having injured my lower back and was in a bit of a vulnerable place. I was seeking comfort and hope. I was longing for something more.

At the time, my little teenager self was so very devastated about my injury. Thankfully, being active in my youth group, my parents and youth ministers encouraged me to attend this retreat. Thankfully, I said a little yes that would easily become one of my biggest.

Prior to this little injury, one that kept me from playing summer sports (Tennis was my absolute favorite!), I had also lost my beloved grandmother. In fact, I had a beautifully vivid dream the night before she passed. I woke up crying because I knew how much I'd miss her. How much my heart would be torn and how much turmoil my little teenager self would feel! The morning of my dream, after waking with my own tears, I remember walking to the hallway and seeing my mom walk in the door with tears in her own eyes. The kind of tears that had been streaming for awhile. The kind of tears that only a daughter can shed at the loss of her mother.

Amidst these two events, the emotional crazy of  middle school and high school proceeded as they always would.

Onto the retreat, and I can easily say that it was exactly what my heart needed. Falling in Love with the One who shared beautiful love through my grandmother was what I needed. Healing in the gift of Eucharistic Adoration was exactly what my flesh yearned for. Love, healing, and learning to Trust the One who has been with me all along was what I had been seeking all along. That weekend, my journey with Him whom my soul has always longed for, began. It was kind of wonderful. It was kind of beautiful. And, it was all kinds of grace-filled.

That weekend, so long ago, c h a n g e d me.

I went through high school with friends who I still love more than they'll ever know. They helped keep me looking up. Looking to the One who is Love. They helped me during sad times and laughed with me during happy times. We walked together, learning, growing, and living in His Grace and Goodness. Living in His Love through the gift of community and faith.

During college, my journey with Love grew more than I could have ever fathomed. He met me in Mass, He met me in prayer, He met me in every theology and spiritual read I could get my hands on, He met me for 40 days in Eucharistic Adoration during Lent and more...

He always met me, held me through heartache, loved me through friends and community and family, and cared for me in the beautiful treasures of our Faith.

Fast forward to today and not much has changed.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits and I hope for his word. 

My soul looks for the Lord more than sentinels for daybreak. 

More than sentinels for daybreak.."  

-Psalm 130: 5-6

Fast forward to today and everything has changed.

See, back when I was 12, the Truth, and Goodness, and Beauty that He is became more real to me than my own beating heart. Grace upon grace held me and kept me. Seeking Him became second nature. It's what I did with the help of Mother Church, family, friends, community, and all the gifts He had shared with me along the way. It's also what I did because my parents blessed me with prayer, Mass, and love throughout my childhood - a pathway I was blessed to be on that lead me to Him in a mysteriously beautiful way.

I learned to wait. I learned to wait on Him, because at the end of each and everyday that's all there was. He was and has always been all there ever was and all there ever would be.

So now, here I am, soon to have my third cesarean. The first which was traumatic but brought the greatest gift of my firstborn and the absolute treasure of being blessed to be called mama, the second which brought my personality-for-days second-born and amazing healing in the experience of a cesarean, and now the third which comes with a beautifully healthy little hiccuping sweet love in my womb and complications that have stunned me into stillness from fear of all the unknowns.

Truly though, He still beckons me.

“Arise, my friend, my beautiful one, and come!" 

-Song of Songs 2:10

We are seven days away from meeting our newest little love. The love I have for this little one is beautiful and good. In the same way that my love for our two sweet boys just pierces me to my core, I am reminded that my love for them is only a hint of how amazing His love is for me. There is much comfort in that. So much comfort.

"There is no moment at which God does not present himself under the guise of some suffering, some consolation or some duty. All that occurs within us, around us and by our means covers and hides his divine action. His action is there, most really and certainly present, but in an invisible manner, the result of which is that we are always being taken by surprise and that we only recognize his operation after it has passed. Could we pierce the veil and were we vigilant and attentive, God would reveal himself continuously to us and we should rejoice in his action in everything that happens to us. At every occurrence we should say: Dominus est. It is the Lord; and in all circumstance we should find a gift from God: we should consider creatures as very feeble instruments in the hands of an almighty worker, and we should recognize without difficulty that nothing is lacking to us and that God's constant care leads him to give us each instant what is suited to us."

- Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Here I am. Again, He calls me into the unknown. I don't know if this little one will be ready to leave the comfort of my womb at 37-weeks. I don't know if this cesarean will proceed as simply and sweetly as my last one that brought so much healing because of my current situation of having placenta previa. I don't know if we'll have a NICU stay, trouble nursing, trouble healing, extra surgeries, need for blood transfusions, and who knows what else. I suppose, all these things are truly unknown even if we were to wait for our little one to be born at 40-weeks, but everything about this leaves me whispering, Jesus, I trust in You, rather than proclaiming it.

And, that's okay.

"Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life; Rather look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow; The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you today and every day. He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations."

-St. Francis de Sales

I am arising in my little ways, one day at a time. I am whispering my fiat and my trust in Him, because at the end of the day I love Him and He loves me. He is all there is and all there every will be.

Dominus est.

It was Him when I was 13 years young and in love and it is Him walking along with me down this path to the birth of our newest little gift - another little love that will again change nothing and everything.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

liturgical living // St. Nicholas

Despite having taken it easy these past weeks of life, I and my dear husband were able to swing some sweetness for the Feast of St. Nicholas. 

This wonderful saint's feast day has easily become a favorite in our home and definitely a part of our family traditions having celebrated him one way or another these last two to three years.

Special times these are! Planting our sweet little seeds of faith and love and goodness for our family couldn't make me more happy!
Since we've been nudged into a very simple Advent season, and some Halloween candy leftovers were our friend.

We got the boys two new books each, left out our little dvd from last year as well as one of our St. Nicholas reads that they received last year too.

Shoes were left out and the boys were excited for morning.

My youngest just adores all things dragon related. He honestly runs around the house in his dragon attire at least once a day baring his "claws" and breathing fire. Sometimes he's the nice gentle dragon that St. George managed to tame and other times he's the ferocious dragon. As long as you don't call him by his actual name during these one-acts, you're in the clear and will survive the dragon's wrath.
Two new dragon books and two new faith/celebration of Christ's books were unwrapped and enjoyed throughout the day.

Candy was the first thing to touch their lips this morning and you could just feel the sheer joy from this sweet happening.
Daddy made us all a delicious breakfast and made a quick donut run...because feasting and all.

For the most part, we took it easy and the boys got to enjoy some of their favorite things on a beautiful day.

Our Mr. Outdoorsy/Sport-loving/filled to the brim with energy child got to have some fun outside with daddy, which was such a treat! They haven't been able to play outdoors together in awhile with the light being gone by the time daddy gets home and the yucky rainy weather we've had on and off these last weeks.
While my little artist/book worm/creative got to have some alone time drawing on his LeapFrog. 
It was a good day of feasting, learning more about our faith and one of it's defenders, and family.

Little by little, liturgical rhythm finds it's way into our homes and hearts and I am just loving it!

“The giver of every good and perfect gift has called upon us to mimic Gods giving, by grace, through faith, and this is not of ourselves.” 
~St. Nicholas of Myra

Thursday, December 10, 2015

made with love // thanksgiving

Gosh, nothing like a good little scare to put life into perspective...again.

It's funny how that is, isn't it? Everything seems to immediately get prioritized by love when crazy hits the fan doesn't it?

The Thursday before Thanksgiving, while I was at our family bible study with the boys (husband had to work), I had some bleeding. We were 32 weeks at the time and not ready for something like that to happen. Not sure anyone really is ready for things like that. Especially during pregnancy!

I, honestly, can't imagine what our friends thought of me while I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. Pretty sure I had that blank deer-in-the-headlights look and asked them to help me get the boys in the van so I could get to the hospital.

Thankfully, they talked some sense into me and offered to let my kiddos hang out while we went and took care of life and it's happenings. I called my husband as soon as I was driving and made the drive.

Contractions and bleeding. Bed rest and fluids. Doctors orders. Done and done.

See..I have placenta previa, as many of you know (I'll let you look it up if you've never heard of it rather than go into details). What I will say is that if we get to the no-bueno point it could be a not good situation pretty quickly.

I spent the whole next week of Thanksgiving resting like I've not rested since before the boys all thanks to my husband and my parents.

Times like these, your heart really can't help but burst with gratitude. Seeing your children, un-phased and filled with joy and smiles, even though your heart feels the anxiety and a weight of your present moment brings such a peace.

That gift would not have been possible without lots of grace, the gift of service from my husband, and the gift of my parents being able to spend an entire week with us to help.

Now, because of all the resting and crazy in my heart, I really didn't capture as many memories as I did last Thanksgiving. I just pray that these tidbits will always help share the fun and love that was had over an entire week of goodness filled with so much gratitude.
I found these words by St. Josemaria Escriva, and couldn't be more thankful for them. They truly represent the last few weeks I've experienced. So much peace, so much grace, so much thanksgiving.
"I cannot but be satisfied, when I see that, despite my own wretchedness, our Lord built up so many wonderful things around this Work of God. The life of a man who lives by Faith will always be the story of the mercies of God. At some moments the story may perhaps be difficult to read, because everything can seem useless and even a failure. But at other times our Lord lets one see how the fruit abounds and then it is natural for one's soul to break out in thanksgiving." 
-St. Josemaria Escriva, Conversations, 72 
Family, friends, and my husband have just been so amazing throughout this time of unknown. And, speaking of family, here's a sweet shot of my parents that did so much for us that whole week of Thanksgiving.
My parents tended to the boys, took them out, played with them, did crafts, helped with upkeep of our home, and just filled our home with lots of love and laughter over the holidays.

This man. He's good. Oh so good. And, I love him more than he'll ever know. True story.
As many of you know, I really do enjoy being in the kitchen, especially when it comes to baking. Unfortunately, baking pies and other desserts was not in my forcast, but I was able to make that easy-peasy Dark Chocolate Pumpkin Spiced Pecan Fudge. So. Good! And dairy-free to-boot!
This whole feast was prepared and cooked by my mama and brother's fiance! So amazing! Everything was delicious and wonderful and I still can't believe I didn't lift a finger the entire time this was getting put together!
Always a good time when we get to see these two! Love my brother and his fiance! As do the boys. So much!
Family photo for the win! Thanksgiving 2015!
Fun times were had. Lots of games, drawing, and crafting.

Bigfoot really enjoyed Jenga and Linus enjoyed it at some point...or, so I'm told.
Little sneaker couldn't decide whether he enjoyed winning or being the reason everything falls over.
Meanwhile, this guy snuck in some snuggles and tablet reading with his Daddy.
Lots of tickling, getting thrown around, squeezed in some outside time (It rained almost the entire week my parents were here!), and tennis. The boys loved it.
I tell you what: These boys were missing their grandpa and nana as soon as they knew they weren't staying forever, but all that aside, so much fun was had and oodles of memories were made.
From the few memories I captured, I'm sure you can see why the gratitude meter was just bursting!

I rested. They played, laughed, and loved.

Since the time my parents left, we've been blessed abundantly with meals and various acts of service from dear friends. It's more than we could ever ask for or fathom.

I think it's safe to say that our Thanksgiving week was made with love! It's in times like this that the quote below means so much more to me:

“Today if we have no peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other—that man, that woman, that child is my brother or my sister.” 
- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
For now, that's my little update. I've been wanting to write and share so much lately but just haven't had the energy or brain to do so. With grace and time, I hope to share a bit more even if just bits and pieces of our family scrapbook. I'm thinking a good next share should be of Precious P growing in my belly from start to now. We are less than 20 days from being able to hold and snuggle our newest little love in our arms! So hard to fathom! But so exciting too!

Thank you for your continued prayers! Symptoms lasted a while, but thankfully have slowed or fully stopped since then. We're now just praying that the symptoms don't return till the tad-bit early birth of our little one, praying that our little one will be ready to meet us (especially since it will be earlier than 39-40 weeks), and praying for His Will to be done and that we be able to embrace it with peace and joy, no matter what may come. So thank you, your prayers truly mean so much to us! 

motherhood // standing

  Never had I experienced true fear or anxiety till becoming a mother. Fragile little souls wrapped in beauty pla...