homeschool: here I am, Lord
"Be strengthened in Almighty God and in the power of His might, for with His help nothing is difficult. Throw off the heavy load of your own will, cast aside the burden of sin, and gird yourselves as valiant warriors. Forget what you are leaving behind; strain forward to the great things before you. I tell you that every place where you set foot shall be yours. For the Spirit who goes before your face is Christ the Lord. He will carry you to the topmost peak in the arms of His love."
-Saint Francis of Assisi
Here I am, Lord.
There have been many times that Our Lord has moved me in a direction. He has given me these subtle nudges that have brought me to different places. He has called me. And, I have always done my best to respond with my Here I am, Lord. His sweet calls lead me to college, then to graduate school, and finally to various jobs in my directed field. They brought me to my husband and to motherhood. He has always been gentle. Always kind. Taking my hand in the direction He desires for me. All of these callings have been so fulfilling, regardless of how challenging they have or have not been. They have brought me a sense of peace. For this, and so many other reasons, my trust is wholeheartedly in Him. Or, at the very least, I am striving to always trust Him with all that I am as best as I humanly can.
Is it I, Lord?
In the past, some of the nudges or callings have been very loud and clear. He simply stirred my soul in a way that could not be ignored. Not until He received my Fiat, did I experience the Peace He was wanting to share with me. While others nudges have been softer, sweeter, and filled with gentleness.
I have heard You calling in the night.
Since marrying my dear husband, I have had various nudges. One, for example, is how He brought us to the conception of our firstborn - such a gift - that, in turn, made me a mother. Another would be when I discerned, greatly, on whether or not to stay home with my son or to return to work like so many before me. His calling always brought me home - sweetly and gently.
The peace I felt was something that could not be ignored. Still, today, I continue to experience this peace and joy as I journey through my vocation of motherhood in our home. While some may see it as a very inactive or passive route when compared to today's "shoulds", I see my present as one of the biggest fiats that I have given to my God. He called and, by His grace, I answered and continue to do so one day at a time. It isn't always easy, but He never said it would be. We now have two sweet boys under our roof and in this young Mama's care.
I will go, Lord...if You lead me.
Here, recently, I have heard Him calling again. This nudge has been coming along over the past year and I have been answering by reading all the things, researching, discerning, praying, and more. I find that I am most at peace when I am not fighting the notion that was planted within my heart just like so many other seeds before. This new seed is no different than those before only because it is another step that He is asking me to take - to trust Him with. Does that make it any less surprising or unexpected? Nope.
I will hold Your people in my heart.
These recent nudges are about homeschooling. Yup. I said it. Eep, and wrote it! At the end of the day, I know some will think I'm crazy for even considering this kind of journey. Sometimes I wonder the same thing. But I always find peace in knowing God would never task me with something that He has not prepared me for in some way or another. I also know that God's Will for me is sanctifying and if this be part of it, then I want to let it be done unto me.
So with that, this coming year will be dedicated to learning as much as I possibly can about homeschooling (haha, there's that word again!). What are the day-to-day logistics? Which program will best fit our family? Conferences (was blessed to have already attended one! Yay, me!). Meetings. Research. and anything else I can get my hands on that will help me better understand what all this journey entails. I'm going to approach it as I've approached every journey I've ever taken, meanwhile, remembering these sweet words of wisdom from the Venerable Fulton J. Sheen:
"We always make the mistake of thinking that it is what we do that matters, when really what matters is what we let God do to us. God sent the angel to Mary, not to ask her to do something, but to let something be done.”
-Venerable Fulton J. Sheen