My brain has been a scatter these past few days. A little foggy and I'm feeling in a rut. It just is. It happens sometimes.
At the start of the weekend, Linus started limping. I have a mystery limp on my hands and it's making me anxious. We have a doctor appointment scheduled for tomorrow, but there's just something about the unknown that just unnerves me. Almost paralyzes me.
We had mystery fever a few weeks back, and that unnerved me towards the later part of the week. And then as if it was always meant to be, his fever lifted and we moved forward.
Sometimes things like this happen and it's so easy to spiral into the realm of what if's or the surely there is something I'm missing or the did I do something to let this happen, etc. So easy to just rest in the insecurity of maybe I'm just not doing enough. So easy.
But then there's this...
"The present moment is always the ambassador who declares the order of God. The heart always pronounces it's fiat. The soul pours itself forth by all these means into its centre and goal; it never stops, it travels by all winds; all routes and methods advance it equally on its journey to the high sea of the Infinite. Everything is a means and an instrument of holiness; everything without any exception. The "one thing necessary" is always to be found by the soul in the present moment. There is no need to choose between prayer and silence, privacy or conversation, reading or writing, reflection or the abandonment of the thought, the frequentation or avoidance of spiritual people, abundance or famine, illness or health, life or death; the "one thing necessary" is what each moment produces by God's design. In this consists the stripping, the self-abnegation, the renunciation of the creature in order to be nothing by or for one-self, in order to remain as regards everything in God's order at his pleasure, finding one's only contentment in bearing the present moment, as if there were nothing else in the world to expect."
-Fr. J.P. de Caussade, S.J.
His wisdom always makes the pathway to goodness and holiness seem so simple! Like, all I have to do is just be and my soul and heart will move me towards Him. Like I just have to be present and let my soul journey forth towards the high sea of the Infinite!
Maybe if I keep on reading all this amazingness I will fall into order of all the good even in my doubt and anxiety?
So much to think about every time I read any. little. thing. from this wonderful priest.
Doing: I'm putting one foot in front of the other. I'm moving forward, making the phone calls, and keeping the littles fed and tended to. I'm trying to do the same for myself and my husband. I'm trying. I'm moving. I'm taking steps. Little steps that feel big.
Right now, it's the little things. I'm doing them out of love. I know this because my heart is hurting a little for both my boys. I know this because I'm their mama and there's a piece of me that they will always carry. The one that wakes me up in the middle of the night at the slightest of slight sounds. The part of me that cringes with them when they take a fall and the same piece that gets pierced every time they cry.
I have one who has this mystery limp that doesn't impede any of his actions whatsoever (He's been climbing, running, skipping, and jumping with the best of them despite his random limp.) and I have another who's allergies have him and me chasing boogers that just do not seem to stop; in turn, bringing on the not-so-fun junky cough.
But I'm doing. I'm wiping. I'm watching. I'm calling. I'm reading and researching. I'm trying to stay settled and to sit in this place that I am.
Finding: I'm finding peace and comfort in Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade's book, Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence and music.
Yesterday the first song that came on while I took a little get-away shower was Audrey Assad's, I Shall Not Want. The whole time I was listening, my heart was saying, Yes. This.
Praying: Praying that our time at the doctor's office tomorrow is fruitful. Praying that the weather allows us to make it to said appointment!
**Apparently we are supposed to get near 4 inches of snow tomorrow. Now I know my Northern friends are probably laughing at this, but the thing is our roads and cars are not made for this weather. We had an inch of ice on our roads yesterday and we have no regular salt trucks or the chain thingies that would help us maneuver these conditions. So silly as we Texans may be, we really just don't have all the winter things in place to help us get around these random ice-magedons and bouts of snow fall. It was 80 degrees just last week!??**
Praying that Bigfoot's junky cough and runny nose let him sleep tonight. Praying for safe travels for everyone in these wintery conditions.
Praying for all my pregnant and post-partum friends. My heart is with y'all in a special way.
Praying in thanksgiving for family, friends, and community.
Praying for grace. Praying for love. Praying for peace.
Suscipe (St. Ignatius of Loyola)
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.
Captured: I haven't captured anything with the fancier camera but I have a few phone camera/Instagram captures to share.
Thanks for stopping by and reading along this little bit of a slow time we have going around here.
How are things with y'all? Slow? Fast? Crazy? Normal?
What words of wisdom from the Saints or Scriptures nudge you along the slower times? I'm all ears!
Linking-up with Jenny for Daybook.